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A year ago, I changed.

No wait! I didn't change

my family life did.

I lost my step father to alcohol.

I lost my mother to a church.

I lost my sense of who I was.

The person I loved

witnessed these changes

but could not comprehend

what had actually happened.

So this is a note to you.

First, I finally heard that song

the one called "Fuck you"

about how I hurt you.

And boy do I know I did.

But, there is a lot of things

you never noticed.

It's not for you to understand now,

but I want you to know that

Second, I never stopped loving you.

"BUT WHY?! Why did you do it?"

This is the part you couldn't,

and dont ever have to

understand, but

I was scared.

Not of you of course.

You, my love, were my only

sense of security.

But, I was loosing everything else.

Everything in my life changed

in one single instant

and to tell you the truth

I was afraid you would change too.

But instead,

I changed for my mother.

I became the person

she though I was to be.

And because of her,

I lost the only thing

that kept me sane.

Baby, I know I broke you,

because I was broken too.

For months, I pretended to love a guy

while imagining he was you.

Let's not count the numerous times

I accidently calld him your name,

or the times I cried because I needed you.

Only to watch you

find other girls.

I made mistakes.

I ruined both of our lives

and I'm telling you now

because I am not scared anymore.

I know who I am

and what I want to be.

All I really want from life is

your arms around me,

kisses on my lips,

and to be your

forever and always.