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I dunno if this is allowed, if not, someone tell me. This is kind of a work in progress. Not sure if it's even a poem or poetry mostly lining for feedback on it right now..... It's called the perfect storm
Lightning struck me that day. It didn't hurt. It was invigorating, it made me feel alive. My chest tightened, then expanded twice as fast. My stomach rolled inside me, feeling hollow, empty,, then full to bursting in a split second. The two sensations met in between in a hurricane of love, adoration, safety, fear, and dread , all flying every direction too fast to catch. I was blinded. I can still see only that which I was looked upon when it happened, etched into my vision. My skin burned, tingled, and twitched. It felt like being tickled by your mother when you were small, but being on fire at the same time. I heard thunder as music, God it was beautiful, absolutely perfect tone, pitch, and melody. It left me deaf to all notes, except those that I heard that day. My mouth felt like it was filed with the sweetest nectar, that was spilled from the head table above, and poured down as driving rain with the fury of, and directly from, Heaven itself. When I tensed, I bit down on my tounge. Now I can taste nothing except that nectar, and wish to taste none other. My heart stopped beating for a time. It seemed like an eternity. No blood flowing through my veins, my body and mind beginning to starve inside...It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. More of a blissful peace, the most wonderful calm and stillness. After experiencing it even sleep is not the refuge it once was. I couldn't breathe. It was as if all air had been taken. Like I stood paralyzed in a vacuum, suffocating. I tried to fight, I pulled, chest muscles straining against something so much larger than myself, clawing mentally at the empty space in defiance. But no breath would come. It was futile to resist. And once I stopped trying, fighting against it, it felt nice. As if the moment in time was frozen, and the only air I needed, I simply had. And need not do anything at all to acquire more but simply exist there forever, just as the moment was. And again, today, my breath only comes easily if seeing what I saw there that day. All of these things were too much, I died where I stood. And seemed to rest in the arms of the most beautiful, tender angel, for weeks. Suddenly there I stood, in the same spot, glancing quickly up at the clear blue sky. Disoriented, head swimming, legs weak. Unmoved, but far from unchanged..... All this happend in the time it took you to smile and say hello. And noone saw any of it ,except me.
First off
I think youre being a little hard on yourself
Wretchedfool : but a lot of us have felt that way.
The title on this poem takes up a helluva lot of space.
I have been struck by lighting on more than one occasion and the love you have portrayed for it
Comes through in your poem.
The fact that it has had a lasting effect on you
To the degree that you still feel it
Is a Testamony to
" You got struck , Good ".
I seem to always shake it off
And go about my business being
The wretchedfool I am.
KS
It takes a lot to be so open
And you are a lucky man
To have been struck
The way you have.
( i was lucky it went through something else
Before it hit me )
But i would of preferred to of been hit
The way you got hit.
( the right place / the right time )
And you were smart enough
To accept ( your fate )
By the way I liked it, felt
By the way I liked it, felt very similar. As far as formatting, I'm a writer who has no rules. I believe enable for us to fully, and completely describe our imaginations an images, it's always better absorbed when written however we feel it. We're trying to share our creativity, and any great artist or one wanting to become, should never be harnessed by silly rules. Yet that's only my opinion, an if it's rules you're after, my apologies. I won't place those upon you. I think your writings really good, with great description and imagery. I look forward to reading more \,,/zjz
Thank you for your words. I
Thank you for your words. I wasnt looking for anything specific really. Just whatever anyone wants to offer or share. I'm by no means any expert, but I agree that rules are silly for this sort of art. I feel like it's all about sharing the feeling or the, sentiment maybe. I just try to write in a way that has some beauty when I read it back. I guess I was curious if others found beauty in it, or if it's only through my own eyes and heart.
Open your eyes o' wretched fool. They see but are blind, and by lies they are ruled.
WF, If I may ask, is this a
WF,
If I may ask, is this a NDE?
No, not at all. Quite the
No, not at all. Quite the opposite. More like being born. And you and anyone are welcome to ask anything you like. I am an open book. Secrets poison the soul. It's about the moment I learned what love is. I was 33 years old. I had been married, and obviously had girlfriends over the years. I had said I loved a couple women, or girls, or whatever the case may have been. And I'm quite sure that I felt something for them. However when I saw her, heard her speak, saw her smile. That moment is described in the work. I was stricken dumb. Here I was a 33 year old man, acting like a school boy. I could barely talk to her for weeks. Something in my core told me this is important, speak well, act well, or do neither at all. I am 39 now, and to say the least the road has been full of holes turns and forks. There have been times that we have been apart for as much as 8 months, with no obligation to one another, yet neither have been with nor even seen another. What I feel for her is the very definition of love. Whatever I had felt before this is not the same thing at all. These years later, I still feel that explosion in my chest every time I talk to her or hear her name or talk about her. Every time I see her, or am "with" her is like the first. There is no deterioration of my feelings nor excitement for her at all. I find her absolutely perfect in ways that are nearly incomprehensible. And she has changed over the years, in both appearance and her way. But though my eyes and my mind may register the fact. My heart never notices, the way I feel moves with her. Whatever she is at any given moment is what beautiful and perfection means to me . It has been years since I have even noticed anyone else. The most attraction I have felt towards another is maybe thinking that she might look a little like the one, but even that is quickly followed by a thought of something along the lines of, not enough, or it'll never be her. I truly have a very hard time understanding this. And by no means actively choose it. It simply is. And I can't see it ever changing. But on my soul it is the truth. I am no cuckold, nor submissive man at all. I'm all man, pretty normal in most ways. But I all but worship her. And the feeling is nearly mutual, although she doesn't always express it as well, but that's alright. I don't expect her to be perfect. Perfect is just whatever she is in my eyes..... Damn have I rambled on. I'm sorry. Oh well, easier to leave it now.
Open your eyes o' wretched fool. They see but are blind, and by lies they are ruled.
Well I must say, it moved me
Well I must say, it moved me brother. As a song writer for 16 yrs you learn that people will interpret your writings in a complete different fashion, or direction. I myself had a NDE in '11, this pulled me in right away. I like the idea of letting the reader visualize and run with their iimaginations when listening, or reading my works. It let's them, and gives them a world to escape too. And very often it is absorbed completely not as you meant it :) I thank you for giving me the time to explain it and allowing me to visualize from your creative and beautiful heart wrenching description. I hope that someday the beat of sound can become one for you. Loves an untamable monster for sure. I know what you're going thru kinda. Everyone's story has a different creator though similarities exist. Again, thanX! Very well done! \,,/zjz
Thanks again man. It's good
Thanks again man. It's good to know that I'm headed in a good direction with it. I actually have had near death events. Never anything interesting with them besides just being near death or perhaps thinking so a couple other times. And certainly not to take anything away from any life changing or moving experiences anyone else has had. But being near death, honestly in my mind it was a done deal, was far less frightening or traumatic to me personally than times I thought I had lost her or driven her away. Like I said man, I really struggle to understand it, but she is in truth more important than life. That doesn't mean I would attempt suicide or give up without her or anything however. So some of your son's are about your NDE?
Open your eyes o' wretched fool. They see but are blind, and by lies they are ruled.
No, not at all. Quite the
Open your eyes o' wretched fool. They see but are blind, and by lies they are ruled.