Vows

I sit and stare at this white wall
which blankets me, quite like a pall
that covers death and hides from eyes
that final gift, lifes only prize.

I wonder if, instead of life
trapped in these vows, I took a wife
and made a home where children run
and laugh and play till setting sun
brought them inside, so close to me
I'd ne'er be trapped, but only free
to give them all my love, my soul,
my strength, my sweat, till my lifes goal
to see them well and fully grown
with spouse and children of their own.

My love and I could sit and rock
upon our porch, no need to talk,
just holding hands till our twilight
slides slowly into darkest night,
but not of day, for her and me,
but into Love's eternity,
to stand before Him, who above
had watched with joy our lasting love...

My eyes open, and still that wall
so white, so cold, and realize all
my thoughts are dreams, not to be had
by me, a Father, not a dad
and always will I mourn this loss
while for the world I bear the Cross
to turn our gaze from here below
to that last end, where all must go.

I pray that when that end is here
and to His Kingdom I draw near
I hear God say "Come, faithful one
you've served me well, and so my son
put down your cross, to me draw near
and put aside your greatest fear.
For all alone you'll never be
for here you'll find intimacy.
The love you yearned for down below
is but a transient shadow.
Come now to join your family
the saints, and share in my glory.
Now only peace dwells in your heart,
for we will never be apart.

You'll always live, not close to me,
but in my Heart, eternally.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my second poem on here, and comments of any sort would be greatly appreciated... I wrote this during a time of spiritual struggle and depression, and it has until now been unread by anyone but me.

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