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13 Reasons Why, 6 Million Reasons Why Not
I've lost more than i care to remember, I've gained some of it back
Memories, loved ones, things
I'll never see some of them ever again, and the ones i will don't recognize me anymore
I could name the names but i would rather keep them locked away
Just like the memories of happier times
The drugs and alcohol are the only things that will never leave me
Even now I'm shaking trying to type this
I said I would quit, but that was a lie
I said I loved you, but that was a lie
I said I would live for you, but I don't know how to
We swore we would never hurt ourselves or each other, but that was the biggest lie
We were bringing new life into this world and into our world, but that was a lie
All these lies I would like to lock away and forget about
But I'm not allowed to am I?
13 names, 13 Reasons, Lucky number 13...
There should be 14 but we never came up with a name
6 million reasons why not, everyone says
But those 13 names, 13 deaths I've seen
7 of which i have found, alone
The 14th...had no choice in the matter
She blamed me for everything, it was my fault she's dead.
All I had to do was not relapse, but I lied
I lied to everyone, I lied to myself
I'll never forget these lies
These lies define me, these lies are who I am
These deaths are all my fault, I should have stopped them
Said anything different than what I did
I'm sorry
This is really intense
Addiction is a difficult path.
Copyright © morningglory
Thank you
Being clean with all of this in my mind is the worst. I appreciate the comment
Forgiveness
In order to heal, it is important to forgive ourselves. Remember that. You can talk to your own heart. Make friends with him. Take some long deep breaths and tell him you are sorry for everything you put him through. Thank him for being there always and continuing to beat. Wait silently for the response. Form a relationship with that little guy in your chest. Then go serve your community. Help others get clean. And stay clean! You might just find healing in doing so.
I hope you don't mind me saying these things. But trust me, if you start talking and listening to your heart, you will start to see a real shift.
Peace and love in light.
Copyright © morningglory
forgiveness
I am Buddhist, so meditation is something i do my best to practice and part of that is listening to everything. I have listened to my heart, it still hates me for locking it away and allowing it to break. The type of healing that it needs is the type that will take the rest of my life to fully achieve