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From drunken ashes….

By jfarrell

You’ve seen the harry potter scene…

The phoenix burns to ashes…

Then reappears two minutes later…

Egg, to little bird thing, to renewed phoenix

I was a drunk…. august, this year, I was still a drunk…

I AM a drunk… and proud of it….

My dad drunk and beat up his family…

I drank, went to sleep, wake up, drink…

Rinse and repeat…

Today…

3 women kissed me on both cheeks….

Everyone I work with patting me on the back,

Shaking my hand….

“Thanks, Jim”

Most I felt valued, alive,

…... like, ever…

And I haven’t got a scooby doo why.

….. not that it isn’t all nice…

Since I returned to work,

I faced a lot of my worst fears….

Heights - serving champange 25^th floor of building…

London at night, all lights, forever…

Never seen London look so beautiful…

Crowds - being stuck on Olympic Way….

From station to work takes 5 minutes…

After work….

Hugging the wall, and kissing, very lovingly, every lampost….

THERE’S NO WAY OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After work….

50, 000 people and a little extra…

All headed for the same station….

…. trust me, I really love those lamposts….

An anchor…

In this OCEAN of people….

Anchor…

What word could be more appropriate?

SPACE….

To roll a smoke, to dance a jig….

To plug in my headphones and LEAVE EARTH>>>>>

A space, chance, to breathe

And…

So many beautiful women, everywhere…

20 years, locked in my flat, alone, celibate….

There IS a very good reason I chose that.

I’m too scared to be a phoenix.

I’ve seen my future,

Alone,

Forever and ever.

Please don’t drag me from my ashes;

Let me smoulder…. burn…

“a taste of honey is worse than none at all” - great song…

I don’t want no part.

Fears - LOVE - vulnerable, pain, hurt, heartbreak….

I don’t want no part, too scared to…

Let me lie in my ashes

And never rises again

please