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Lost my temper

By jfarrell

I was 12 last time I lost my temper; I’m 49 now;

My friend, Andrew, in the children’s home,

Told me, he’s being discharged; I’d never see him again;

I attacked, and beat the crap outta another kid, in the home.

At 15, my children’s home was closed down violently;

My sister and I were separated; not that we were close before;

I saw the cycle - how my dad comes home drunk, beats up everyone;

I saw my being bullied at school; I’d come home bully her.

12 to 49 is a long way with no friends; and family I’m scared to go near;

Online friends is the closest I can get to friends? Or, cats?

What a sad, so very sad loser I must be!!!!!

Pathetic waste of space!

Wallowing, consumed, drowning in my bubble;

I have hurt people along the way, not bad, not violent;

And I never meant to; I always tried to do right;

37 years later, I still haven’t lost my temper.

But, maybe if I had taken that risk, that chance,

I wouldn’t be alone, and so permanently alone as I feel;

I haven’t lost my temper in 37 years, should I feel proud of that?

Or should I revel in the solitude? Always alone…

Having no-one,

i can hurt no-one.

Bad, anyway