Author Information
Clever Name
Folder:
Fails at writting I wish you could see,
Why this can't be.
I struggled for years,
Then fell so easily.
Then its like it doesn't matter at all,
You watching me fall,
My feet hit the ground
My head hit the wall.
I recall the day when it all started to fade.
It doesn't "burn like an iron"
It cuts like a blade.
Now I am living a lie,
I really don't try.
But everytime he calls,
I want to break down and cry.
Because he has not trust in me,
No faith,
No sympathy.
It very hard to believe that I did what I did,
But I wish you could see,
I'm not some little kid.
I have thoughts,
I have dreams,
I'm more deep than you see me.
Usually I make right choices,
I just did something I didn't mean.
And if I could,
I would go back and change everything.
Right from the moment I learned that guy's name.
I would've said no,
I would've let him go.
That just goes to show,
I thought he had a second chance,
Turn his fall to a dance,
Well he ended up falling again and dragging me with him.
Clever is a state of mind.
Sometimes our head takes flight,
There's a fine line between wrong and right.
I'm breaking down inside.
Not knowing what to do next,
I take my fears in my hands and hold them close.
Not like I planned, but what can I do?
I am losing controll.
Clever thoughts,
A clever brain or is it crazy instead?
All I really need now is somewhere to hang my head.
The boy stole my heart,
Stole my name.
Next he put it to shame.
Now he's sitting there observing me suffer in pain.
Meanwhile he calls and asks if I'm ok,
Well what do you expect me to say?
I mean if you people haven't noticed,
I think I got played.
The boy stole my heart and my name.
Then put it to shame,
I'm losing controll.
I actually quite like
I actually quite like this.
Ok...:
In terms of form, this piece by seastar3372 is irregular. Ranging from bimeter to occasional octameter, one does nevertheless gain a clear sense of the author's voice coming through (there seems little likelihood that seastar has created a persona to act as the first person narrative voice in this poem). However, it should be noted that metrically the poem is fairly loose, as there does not appear to be much of an overt manipulation of metrical feet within these lines - it almost reminds one of the less formed, but perhaps more natural style employed by poets such as Edward Thomas in the past. Yet at the same time, certain lines, and certain juxtapositions of lines, could be argued to reinforce their content. For example:
"Clever thoughts,
A clever brain or is it crazy instead?
All I really need now is somewhere to hang my head."
Is a particularly potent combination of lines and rhyme - yet note how "clever thoughts" are isolated above, literally 'higher up' and perhaps on a more abstract level, than the physical "brain" and "head". Moreover, the third line in this extract emphasises the long process of "hang[ing]" one's "head", being as it is a relatively long heptameter, with an unstressed feminine, and therefore weak ending at the line's end. The lack of stress on "head", coming as it does at the end of the line, again reinforces the image of the author hanging her head in shame, and the moral, and physical weakness this position connotates.
And yet, perhaps the most interesting feature of this poem is its use of the rhyming couplet. A poetical format that contains inherent balance, the author uses them here in a way that acts as a counterbalance to her emotional distress. As such, one could argue that there is an inherent conflict within the author's own mind between sentiments of calmness and balance, and "losing controll" (a word that is intentionally misspelled for emphasis), and the intense emotion such loss of control implies. By contrast however, the author places the idea of "losing controll" quite deliberately twice within the poem - and such manipulation of the idea of "losing controll" could possibly be interpreted as maintaining a degree of control, at least within herself.
Overall, if one was to point out any weaknesses within "Clever Name", it would be a slight lacking in imagery. The reader deals with a lot of the same feelings that the author clearly has gone through, but without the images that the author's own life experiences undoubtedly supplies to her - images that augment her feelings. As such, more imagery to give the reader a more concrete base from which to build his or her understanding of the poem would be welcome. However, overall it can be said that this piece shows a growing level of maturity in writing - an eye for rhyme, effective enjambement, and increasing prowess of form.
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There you go, in-depth! I actually think this is one of your best. Keep posting.
"Satellite's gone
up to the skies.
Thing like that drive me
out of my mind.
I watched it for a little while:
I love to watch things on TV." - Lou Reed
wow thanks! As I was writing
wow thanks! As I was writing this one, I did believe that this would be one of my greatest, but when I read back over it I didn't like it as much. I guess I just over analyze it. In my newest poems, I am trying to create as much imagery as possible, but in certain circumstances find it quite hard. Thank you so much though for commenting on this and I will deffinitely keep at it!