Nearby Cage

 

 

Robbed of reason for all this time
A tiger caged weaves this rhyme
If true that treason be the highest crime
Then traitor she who broke this heart of mine
 
And yet... and yet I hesitate to call her such
For I sensed no evil in her eye or touch
A fool - a child with a childish crush
Yet still, there was a spark -that all-important rush
(Few souls I've glimpsed have known so much)
 
Like dusk and dawn together in one place
Sadness, joy both graced her face
(as if she'd seen the cage I'd have to pace)
What shuffling I hear? bars nearby rail and rattle...
Oh dear, I fear she's fighting her own lonely battle
 
 
 
 
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djtj's picture

I like this

Nice images and flow.  I wonder if in the last line you need the word nearby.  Its implied by What shuffling I hear and your title. I tripped on the last line but it could be my failed reading skills. Thanks for you visit to my page. Look forward to more.  Loved this

Debbie

Nocnitsa's picture

Thanks. I'm not too happy

Thanks. I'm not too happy with this one. Too many bumps and stops. Doesn't flow well. Without "nearby" or another adjective the sentence felt unfinished 


"I have become a second generation cosmic being, I am conceived in the womb of nature, in my own mind... In the womb of the universe."

Sassylass's picture

very nice

write

i enjoyed it!

Koko


Poetry is passion,imagination & soul mixing together....

Words

 

Nocnitsa's picture

Thank you. I appreciate both

Thank you. I appreciate both your inputs


"I have become a second generation cosmic being, I am conceived in the womb of nature, in my own mind... In the womb of the universe."