After Burn

You don't have a right

 to my discretion

in terms of your

 betrayal

 

The consequences

are far deeper 

and reaching 

 

than what forgiveness 

you may find within me

 

I'm not sure of what 

or how

 you will have to work

to demonstrate 

your worthiness 

within My circle 

to regain Their trust

 

That 

is out of my hands

 

I feel,

We may have

robbed eachother

of something 

that may have been,

 

and potentially 

could still be,

truly

more beautiful,

 

by having kept the reigns held tight

 

I wonder, would you have

the stamina to stand

near those who love me?

If we Now were to allow?

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I should probably just end it with "than what forgiveness 

you may find within me" and cut the rest out

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Morningglory's picture

thank you all

I really appreciate your comments! 


Copyright © morningglory

Starward's picture

I most wholeheartedly agree

I most wholeheartedly agree with Patricia's assessment of those two particular stanzas.  


Enjoy effulgent days, and exquisite nights,

unto the exultations of Heaven.

Starward

patriciajj's picture

It's ultimately your decision

It's ultimately your decision what you cut out, but in my humble opinion, these stanzas are keepers:

 

"I feel,

We may have

robbed eachother

of something

that may have been,

 

and potentially

could still be,

truly

more beautiful,

 

by having kept the reigns held tight"

 

Could-have-beens are always emotional powerhouses, especially as you presented them: with a delicate, wistful voice and as a question. Your questions added variety and emotional impact to your graceful reflection on life's harsh twists and turns.

 

Very nice. 

ramonathompsont's picture

pretty good. keep it up

pretty good. keep it up