Author Information
After Burn
You don't have a right
to my discretion
in terms of your
betrayal
The consequences
are far deeper
and reaching
than what forgiveness
you may find within me
I'm not sure of what
or how
you will have to work
to demonstrate
your worthiness
within My circle
to regain Their trust
That
is out of my hands
I feel,
We may have
robbed eachother
of something
that may have been,
and potentially
could still be,
truly
more beautiful,
by having kept the reigns held tight
I wonder, would you have
the stamina to stand
near those who love me?
If we Now were to allow?
thank you all
I really appreciate your comments!
Copyright © JessterStarshine
I most wholeheartedly agree
I most wholeheartedly agree with Patricia's assessment of those two particular stanzas.
Starward
It's ultimately your decision
It's ultimately your decision what you cut out, but in my humble opinion, these stanzas are keepers:
"I feel,
We may have
robbed eachother
of something
that may have been,
and potentially
could still be,
truly
more beautiful,
by having kept the reigns held tight"
Could-have-beens are always emotional powerhouses, especially as you presented them: with a delicate, wistful voice and as a question. Your questions added variety and emotional impact to your graceful reflection on life's harsh twists and turns.
Very nice.
pretty good. keep it up
pretty good. keep it up