PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

It’s a great concept right? Think about it, just the idea of the word implies taking one step and coming out of total darkness, and entering this new found world that can only be described as, baffling. Lately I’ve been finding myself in spots that involve a lot of thinking. Not like, “Oh what should I wear tomorrow??” or some superfluous bull shit like that. I mean real, genuine, cognitive thinking. Some decisions could make or break lives, friendships, and could falter even the strongest of independently driven spirits. This is not a plea for attention. It’s not a “Poor me, my life is so hard so please come cradle me and say everything will be OK..” moment. This is just realization one after another, and I’m so glad all of this is happening. Honestly I wish it was happening to all of you as well, maybe not my exact situation, but one equivalent to mine, in that it’s big enough for you sit back and reevaluate they way you’ve gone about everything. This realization doesn’t have to be huge, or drastic, or threatening in any way really, it’s just something beyond my ability to describe right now. At some point it could be five minutes after you read this, or it could be 50 years. I can’t tell you when, just know that the time will come, trust in yourself to know it’s time, and really take a moment to reflect and analyze your life in ways you never have before. I mean these past few nights I’ve been racking my brain, typing the extravagantly long and pointless messages that no one even looks at, but I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! For once in my life I feel like I finally have something worth talking about, something worth sharing with people. In the midst of becoming homeless, staying with random friends getting on hard drugs, getting clean and going back home, only to have it all happen again within a week of being back to normality.. I do believe I hit two crucial moments in my life. 

Part 1. Was complete and utter failure. I felt miserable and broken, weak, and just worthless. I deserved nothing, because I was nothing.

BUT THEN.

Part 2. came along.. and it went from nothing, being nothing, wanting nothing. To just this absolute joy that I was at the bottom. I was as low as I could possibly get at this moment in my life without being hooked on meth, or dead. I came to realize, I was given the gift of being able to walk away from that drug, so I took it. I started thinking more and more of how I should live life then. If I’ve been given the chance to start over, how would I do it? So I decided to devote everything I have, every single atom, molecule, cell, Limbic System, It didn’t matter if it was part of me, it was thinking positively. GRANTED, I said positive, I didn’t nicer, so that shouldn’t be mistaken. If we don’t get along, that’s fine. I wish you know harm, and  I hope you have a wonderful day.

I’m just done being the bad guy in some way. Regretfully my past still haunts me when it comes to my endeavors in looking for love and happiness. I won’t lie, I’ve talked to a lot of people. I’ve done some pretty shady shit, and as long as I came out fine, I thought things would just be fine, and I could disappear from that person’s life, and try again elsewhere. I can’t do that anymore, I’ve learned. Especially from these last few chances I’ve taken, there’s certain lines in life that you just don’t cross, and I crossed them all, virtually at the same time as well. I’m done with knowingly hurting others. I cannot promise I won’t hurt you, but I can promise to do anything in my abilities to try and fix what ever I may have done. I know condolences only go so far, but you must understand as well, it’s simply all I have left to offer.

I kinda just wish this message would reach someone. I know a lot of you see when I post stuff like this and you glance, but you’re like. 

“DAMN! THIS IS TOOOOOOOOOOO MOTHER FUCKING LONG TO READ!!!!!!”

I  merely ask that you show me the the same courtesy you would your favorite book/song. I’m not famous, I don’t want to be. I don’t want a following, a gathering, believers, friends. I simply do not. I just want my words to be heard. I’ve gone my entire life, being interrupted while talking, called moronic names for the way I display my thoughts for others to see, or just simply ignored. To tell you truth I’m pretty fucking done with that bull shit. I KNOW I’m not the only one who can be feeling this way. 

So this goes out to you, anyone  willing to read a few paragraphs and attempt to change their lives. For those that are just tired of getting shit handed  down to them, and for those that just more than anything, want a voice in this world. 

If one person found this, and it changed the way they thought, then I feel like I may die a happy man. 

Just remember, when the time comes to reflect on your life, just think..

What if you never got this chance.

What would you do?

Is it worth it?

Also, sincerely to who every reads this,

                              I want you to know, I don’t know you, I more than likely never will, and we may not ever even communicate, but. 

I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Not a cliche “I love you” or just something to be said, I mean I genuinely love you, and if you ever saw me in person and showed me you saw my message, I would hug you, where ever we may be and I would cry tears of joy for you. It wouldn’t matter what point in my life I was at, you would have open arms and a welcoming family environment waiting for you whenever you felt like you had lost your way.

That last part need not be so literal as well, you don’t have to see me, or anything. Just know my page is a secure environment, lacking judgement and intolerance towards anyone that doesn’t deserve what they’ve been through or what karma has put in front of them. 

I feel like I’ve ranted enough. While I’m optimistic that someone will read, I’m wise enough to expect the worse as well.

Thank you for your consideration.

Until’ our inevitable paths meet again,

I bid you adieu,

et une belle vie.