I was the twinkle in your eye~
the mistake that made you blink
and re-examine your future.
I’m sorry because you think I’m
to blame for your immature past,
your careless errors in judgment.
Did I disappoint you before
I was ever born like I have
for the past twenty years?
I’m sorry for being selfish
even though you spoiled me
by always giving me my way.
Am I at fault when I try to
earn your love by doing things
that I think will make you proud?
Your love was expensive;
it cost me a hour of crying
to receive acts of love in return.
But true love gives when
it is deserved and takes away
when it is negatively influenced.
Did you know all I ever wanted
was for you to watch me and
listen to me when I spoke to you?
Your monetary gifts meant
nothing to me because they
were not given out of love.
Love is actions, not gifts
meant to stop me from talking;
love is an ear at attention.
I can so identify with this write, but in my case it is my Mother that I have spent my lifetime trying to please. The more I did the more she hurt. Even today at 82 and in hospice care I never know how I am going to be greeted when we talk. I am either her angel or no one worth loving. I was adopted at eight months of age. I have spent my life on a rollercoaster of emotions with my feelings. Is it me, is it her, which of us is to blame? I have and always will love her, but like you said money cannot buy love and when she feels bad about the way she has treated me, her comes another gift.
I truly do understand how torn you must feel. Great write.
Blessings,
Lesa