In my pretty loaded lie, I believed
In all sincerity
That I was smitten and besotted
Falling in love with you desperately
When in reality
My true unknown and encompassing aim
Was foremost and prominently the reverse to be ahcieved:
By far what I desired most--
was for you to love me.
So how then can I say I have loved you truly?!
To forgo focus on your lover's wants and needs
In favor of only what can be given to thee
(Even if the desired gift is love
as sweet as that seems!)
Still surely the opposite of love would be.
Author's Notes/Comments:
My First Poem (I use the term loosely):
This is a small excerpt from a 4 page rough draft of my first poem ever and my interest in poetry writing began about 3 hours ago. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I do know I have valid reason for wanting to see if I can learn to express myself through this medium. I do know enough to know that this isn’t a good poem. Despite that, I’m looking at this as jumping off point to get feedback.
Here is why I wrote it (or wrote anything creative at all):
I’ve never written creatively or had a particular desire to. However, I wrote and posted this poem (which is a small excerpt from a 4 page rough draft) because I was trying to write a text to a friend that I knew I could never send, but which I needed to compose just to express the complexity of my feelings on our situation. I'd spent almost two hours trying to parse all the things I wanted to say and was getting frustrated having spent so much time trying to express myself for what amounted to an email-length-text that would never be sent. Criticism
Feedback Desperately Needed:
Please feel free to rip it to shreds-- I expect to be bad (well, it is pretty bad-haha) but I'd love feedback on where to improve to see if this is something I might be able to make adaptations to write things that aren't bad, and thereby have a great medium express myself creatively .
I'm interested to write more stuff, incorporate adivice and suggestions, and see how it goes- I really enjoy it but only if I can produce something passible-- not cringy crap that never improves. Some people have inante abilities, some people have the ability to learn and some people have neither. I'm trying to determine if I might be one of those people that have the ability to learn, even with no inante giftings in that area. I guess you guys will ulitimately be the ones to tell me!
The first poem is from where
Loved the message of your poem, Meg. You know, tactile qualities are a joy to experiment with and leads the reader to feel as if your world is their own. It's the melancholic voice in This House.
Cheers,
Luther
We write from hunger. Poets;
We write from hunger. Poets; chirping birds chirr fill me, love me , pay attention to me, every poem a song of need like tight jeans hugging the contours of an ass that call please look....a sea of desire...Welcome to poetry!