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MOMENTARILY
I look around at everything that's going on.
Dwelling on my feelings that's lasted so long.
Thinking about the things in my past
And bewildered about how these years have gone by so fast.
My thoughts only last momentarily.
But it's like my thoughts work together against me.
5 to 6 thoughts at a time. I think this maybe a conspiracy
But let me take you further into my head. Let me tell you the things that I've never said.
There are moments throughout my day,
time that passes because I have nothing left to say.
It's strange and people wonder how can I live this way.
These moments that I think of everything I've done wrong.
Thinking how easy it could have been for today to be the day my mom picks out my funeral song.
Thinking that I may be lucky about where I've landed.
This place where everything I do I get reprimanded.
These days I have are miserable and numbered one by one,
but I still have to remember that life isn't always fun.
It's not fair, enchanted, or easy.
It's a life that's hard but I can make it, just concentrating on where I need to be.
Just taking a second to think about my actions momentarily.
It's kind of ironic, that word momentarily,
because it describes the situation I'm in but it seems like the thought of it passing is only a fantasy.
Then there are the thoughts that hurt so deep.
A place where I can't be heard or reached.
It's a horrible place that's dark and bleak.
A place where I don't have a voice, so I'm unable to speak.
Those thoughts that take me back into my pain.
A place I've hid from the world, where it only rains.
It's kind of strange,
when a person on the outside looking in wants to know how my moods can quickly change.
When they hear my poems, they think they're great,
but I wonder if they can really relate.
Do they know my words are all true?
Do they really listen to these words of pain that I've lived through?
Do they know that every conversation is a gift to me?
A gift that takes me away from my reality.
It's truly sad, because I'm grateful for every laugh even if it's only momentarily.
It seems as though when I laugh it's over quick
and when the pain comes back, each time my tears get a little more thick.
Never being able to give my all
because I'm afraid so I do things to distract myself and stall,
to take me away from the dark places where I fall.
So it appears as though I'm happy in every way
until my tears flow because the pressure of pain is too much for me to contain.
So they try to comfort me while I'm in my bed where I stay
but I'm lost for words and there's nothing anyone can say.
So I tell them to just let me be,
these thoughts will only last a few more minutes.
It will pass MOMENTARILY.
