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tango
1
the first time
we did it we
danced furiously
feeling the rythms
curling our toes
blind even
to the music
two at-one
in a melody
enchanted and
enchanting
*
moving in deliberate
improvisations i
draw you in
to me
so close oh
baby don't breathe
don't
lose the beat
and I shall
dance-two-three-four
you-two-three-four
home
2
if you lead me
i will follow
you across the floor
ever so delicately now
between
size elevens
moving dangerously close
to private parts
across the floor and then
down the stairs and
out onto
St. Mary's avenue
3
it's
about freedom isn't it
the way the music gets
inside of you
makes you crazy
reeling outwards
don't stop to think
let the rythm
move you only
don't forget to
hold-two-three-four
me-two-three-four
close
4
the music
starts and we
take our places
baby
this one's rehearsed a
thousand times or
four hundred and eighty nine or something...
to be exact...(but
who's counting?)
so maybe this time
the old rythms'll
stir the
sleeping beauty of
that first dance
Hey thanks alot for your comment. I appreciate the real criticism ... ie) not just "hey I like this one" kinda stuff. I'll look into the thing about not being able to feel the music in the 3rd and 4th verses. I tend to write very stream-of-consciously, and this poem has really never had some serious editing so you're probably right. On the other hand, if you feel the music dying as the verses continue, that may be emotionally if not entirely consciously intended. After all, that is exactly what is happening in the poem: the music is dying. Unless of course, as I believe, those old rythms really can still stir the sleeping beauty of that first dance. Thanks for the critque, Karl
You know this one has a really neat feel to it. It seems kind of Dennis Cooleyish, so that's good, right? The dance 2 3 4 you 2 3 4 home 2 3 4 has a rhythm that's almost intoxicating. Some parts of the poem seem a little awkward in comparison, but it might be too much if you made it all the same rhythm. Still do you see what I mean about the third and fourth verses. The words are right but you can't feel the music that you do in the first ones. And what the fuck does St. Mary's avenue have to do with it?