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THE WILL REMOTER
Convinction mingle with confusion
Just as the day succeeded
Baffled. Complicated and truncated
Yet, veil in vision
Eyes collide eyes, melted
As stare stung both ends like bee venom
Obviously and subtly, gazing profusely
Which full of 'wh' questions
Distantly and remotely, commanding will
Like a remote-operated toy in infant's hand
Willy-nilly. At ease in presence of her figure
And making pulsable heart to be in captive
The will remoter, heart controller
Despite, a pale silver-spoon
Should it be on centre point?
How well or worse will it be?
very interesting... makes me
very interesting... makes me want to read more of your work. :)
Copyright © JessterStarshine
lots of things to make one
lots of things to make one think in this work, interesting title
liked the bee sting metaphor, and 'wh' questions
i'd suggest not using a similie of 'remote' while describing 'remotely,' as it appears redudant
interesting line: the will remoter, heart controller
it's so interesting how "will" and "love" are close by each other often, then you have that occultist saying, "Love is the law. Love under will."
more correction
Thanks so much please kindly make correction to it
Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
'wh' questions
I love a fresh/inventive image. Rare anywhere - some poems have to be studied - allets
enlight me
Thanks so much please kindly make correction to it
Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
You Have Enlightened Me, Sir
It is a wondrous write. I agree with Healing Woman. Encore ~Lady A~
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