PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Today is the day i decided to write

Some thing old and something shite

I got on my computer and started to type

I did not know where this would lead to



As my fingers hit keys i started to please the cat on my left

He started to smile and stayed for a while

He looked about the shipyard and saw a scaley fish

He took out his claws and went for the dish



He took me by my hand and he danced to the do se do

The hamsters danced and the cows all laughed

Down at the ugly bug ball

I was there the ugliest of them all



The smashed my head into a wall

It hurt like fuck

and made me buck

And then i realised i had no luck



So i knew i'd never pull anything except for maybe a door or a muscle

I knew i would spent the rest of my life alone

At that point then i made it known that even though i may roam i will always do so alone



No one to accompany me

So i will always be free

Like a bird and i will soar

But they all see my door



I think i may have to score with a footballer by the moor

I know i cannot sleep with you for you are smelly and stink of poo



This poem has no relevence to anything in my life

But oh my word the strife i have to endure each day

The mental air freshener

will have to sue the the case meshner



Don't know what to say

Don't know what to do

Don't know how to be

Don't know how to flee

Don't know how to run

Can't have no fun

No one will hear me when i'm done

If you want me to be your dung



Then you should eat my shoe leather on a regular basis

after placing it in the oven for 5 hours at gas mark 7



There was this monkey yeah

And he went sortof funky

yeah

He took some drugs from his bong

and stuffed them up his thong area



If i were a rich man

I would smack tom cruise with the stick of common sense

and pull the wool from his eyes

And stop him believing in all these lies



Scientology my arse my friend

It was created by men

biggoted men



I will start my own religion

And i shall call it HOVIS

My commandments shall be

People must be open and honest

So even if you think someone smells you will be honest with them

If you don't like someone you will not backstab

If you see a worm crawling to the grass you will pick it up and place it on the grass

One day you never know you may need to be placed on the grass when you are wriggling along the ground after a good night out

If someones bag is open you will not take from it but simply do it up after telling them it is undone

If another human being looks troubled talk to them

people don't communicate enough nowadays

If there is a problem deal with it

better that its sorted when its little than when its the size of the milky way

I believe that children are our future

No wait Whitney Huston believes that

And probably Micheal Jackson just in a less innocent way



I don't believe there is a god because if there was he would do alot more than he does

If you were thinking of doing something evil like murder he would try to make you see

how you wonder

he would make a mother who lost her son to murder talk to you and maybe even make you see



It does make sense if god exists he would step in

Even if he can't affect your free will he would give you something to make you see

but if you still continued then that would be of your own free will



I don't believe there is kangaroos just mice very close up



I don't believe i am good at anything

But i do believe you can see otherwise



I think we should all compliment each other more often

but not so much that we get egotistical



If you are not part of the solution

You are part of the problem



If you run away it will catch up with you



Sometimes you just want to eat your own feet but your can't you must realise you need them

For they make you walk



If your flies are down

Cheer them

Crack a joke or two



I don't know if i have succeded in making this the longest poem in the world

but i may have made this the longest most randomist piece of writting ever



Maybe thats if hieniken haven't beaten me though



I want you to feel accepted the next time you don't get right up close to someone and drop a bomb in the lunch

They will get a kick out of it

Well at least they'd never need to worry about calories again



Are you still reading this

well done

If this poem has given you another way to see something then i am glad

if you have stopped to think on something then i am glad



If not

STOP

THINK

LEAVE FEEDBACK

Whats important to you



Don't want to leave feedback i don't mind

This is all just making the whole thing longer

No i am not sleep deprived but i am braincall deprived

Donate your braincells to me



Perhaps this will help me in my crusade to become intelligent



I like flowers

With powers

of mutation

I want to eat one and morph into a wolf or a horse

Or something



I think you better knock, knock, knock on wood



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

YEAH

BABY



And all that malarki



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



He sees to it

That i get enough



the way you eat my llamas is frightening

UNARCH YOUR BACK

Sit up straight you posture has changed do you want to lok like the hunch back of noteradamn?

or how ever you spell it



I wanted to be like you

but i never realised it was so lonely



You needed someone to show you the way

I can save you

but only if you'll save yourself first

For only you can truly help yourself

not some out side force



Knock knock

I'M NOT IN GO AWAY!

But you just answered me

NO I DIDN'T!

Yes you did

OH ALL RIGHT THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT

To talk to you about god

*A random anvil decendes*

SPLAT



HA GO AND JOIN HIM

SEE HOW HE LIKES HAVING PEOPLE BORE HIM TO DEATH

5th one TODAY



Well done you are now the 51st person to have read this far

or are you really

I mean

i don't have a counter on here so you could be thie 1st

or 2nd or 43rd

so NEVER TRUST WHAT THE PAPERS SAY



They just do what i do

Make it up as the go along

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA!



GOTCHA

GRABBED A GRAND

Okay i think

Even though i could go on forever

i think i will stop in a minute though



1)  If i was an animal what would i be

a) LION ROAR

b) Trantula Spidery noises

c) Horsey neigh neigh

d) Monkey OOOH OOOH OOOH

e) Tazmainian devil GRRRRR

  

2)  When i walk down the street what do i do

a) Look suspicously at TREES (DAMN THEM!!!)

b) Think

c) Stop, look, listen, LIVE

d) Put one foot in front of the other

e) Be KING OF THE ROAD

  

3)  When i fart in confinded spaces what happens next

a) I turn to the person next to me and scowl

b) I ADMIT TO IT! GRRRR! LOUD AND PROUD!

c) I do a silent but deadly, drop and leave tactics

d) I DON'T FART I IMPLODE!

e) I point at someone and shout their name whilst saying POOOOOOOEY!

  

4)  My house is called

a) Pigs in space

b) The nut house

c) Kayos

d) The loony bin

e) Chaos

  

5)  Finish this line: Because of you

a) I arsed it all up

b) I farted near a candle and burnt the house down

c) I can't trust what the papers say

d) I demanded that the price be taken down

e) They took me away

  

6)  If i had a day to live what would i do

a) SULK

b) Realise i'd wasted my life and cry

c) Murder somone

d) Un arse it all

e) Strap myself to all the medical equiment i can use and wait...

  

7)  GRR ROAR BANG

a) pop pop pop pop pop pop POP

b) Shumaka

c) BLEARGH

d) BANG ROAR GRR

e) HURRRRRRRRRRRRL

  

8)  How many questions do you think i can come up with for this Quiz

a) I don't know Taz, and i'm not sure i want to find out

b) 1

c) 10

d) A never ending amount.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH i hear you cry

e) 564561489436145413845102436713249175341  300405410502512500583564308002840243879  4

  

9)  What happens when it rains

a) Perspiration falls from the sky (POO!)

b) I throw things that i've shredded at people from on up high

c) I lob water bombs from a high place

d) Precipitation falls from the sky

e) God wees

  

10)  The best part of your life is (The answer is C) But any of them is right really

a) Taz

b) Taz

c) Taz

d) Taz

e) Or Taz

  

11)  Why did Mary own a little lamb?

a) Because she couldn't get a goat

b) Because she couldn't get a sheep

c) Because she thought it would be better than drugs

d) Because she was fed up of having beef

e) Because she wanted to eat later on in its life

  

12)  I am most happiest when...

a) HYPERACTIVE

b) Asleep

c) Covered in mud

d) Doing someting dumb

e) Drunk

  

13)  There are how many bones in your feet

a) 258

b) 26

c) 3698554120

d) 25

e) 123548

  

14)  Why DID the Chicken cross the road?

a) To get to the other side

b) Because he wanted to

c) He wanted to go to KFC

d) He was lost and hoped that the other side would be more use

e) His mates dared him





1)  Would I go bungee jumping?

a) WAHEY! (1)

b) No (0)

c) Definatly not thats silly and dangerous (0)

d) Yes (1)

e) Sorry i didn't catch the answer i was too busy bunjee jumping! (0)

  

2)  A mitochondria is

a) Kinky (1)

b) Sexy (0)

c) A cell that produces energy (1)

d) The queen of scotland (0)

e) Elephants (0)

  

3)  If I won the lotto, what is the craziest thing I would do?

a) Give it away (0)

b) Build my own fully functional death star (0)

c) Buy a Tiger (0)

d) Buy my own fully functional X-wing (2)

e) Eat Tony blair (0)

  

4)  If I was running out of my burning house, what item would I grab?

a) My 5140 (0)

b) My star war collection (0)

c) My mum (0)

d) Jason (0)

e) Splat, Adrian and Pepsi (2)

  

5)  Favorite childhood game is ___________.

a) IT (0)

b) Hide and go seek (0)

c) O & X's (0)

d) Attacking people with sticks (1)

e) Scare the living hell out of mr Davies (1)

  

6)  I secretly would like to be a ______ for a day?

a) Famous Singer/Actor (0)

b) FBI Agent (1)

c) President (0)

d) Dictator (0)

e) Paramedic (1)





If 1st gear is an elephant

and 2nd gear is a rhino

and 3rd gear is a zebra

and 4th gear is a cheater

then 5th gear must be a cheater with a rocket up his bum