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I Don't know what to think
The poor orphan toddler
is locked in a dog-cage, crying
clad in dirty dish rags.
.
Father was tortured to death in the war.
Mother subsequently hung herself.
Awake the following morning
what despairing desolation.
Forlorn and confused, the little child
froze in the room, and then
Tugged the white wedding gown.
Soft thud on the oak floor. Blackness.
.
Every noon the neighbors visited for tea
and cooked a nice lunch in sympathy
purposing to solace the sad widow.
They knocked on the door. No answer.
They knocked again.
They quickly became worried and
deicided to enter the home, finding
the scene to be horrific indeed.
They carried the unconscious kid away
and brought him to a new, true dismay.
.
The poor orphan toddler
is locked in a dog-cage, crying
clad in dirty dish rags.
.
Very Nice
So unique
Eh, sloppy sequencing
Contrary to the title, I now know what to think: I think it is pretty sloppy, and too insistent on a dark theme. It can hurt the heart, yet the writing is pathetic. However I did try to be "unique" as you have so nicely complimented, but I think this level of storytelling poetry is presently out of my reach. But I did try; unfortunately to not much avail. But I thank you, dear friend, for your apprection. Nice to have ya back. Hope you are well.
bananas are the perfect food
for prostitutes
I think you're too harsh
I think you're too harsh towards what you produced - perhaps, though, that at the core of what drives you to higher places. So I won't push back too hard :)
But, I will say that I found the story you told very compelling, and moved back and forth through time without losing this reader. Two very important elements to the story poem. At least check those two off :)
I believe it's important
I believe it's important, in any art form, to recognize "they can't all be zingers." Otherwise we might find ourselves either satisfied with mere mediocrity, else straining and stressing towards perfection. It's a balancing act. Thanks for your reassuring vibes and pleasantry.
bananas are the perfect food
for prostitutes
A reasonable and sound
A reasonable and sound philosophy, to me :)
You're welcome - I very much appreciate your work. Enjoy your visit to loved ones in Colorado.