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Fight or Flight

My inhibition prevoking fight or flight,

Only sponteneouty and ignorance can resolve my plight.

To weave the advice of others into song,

Impossible my friends, you are terribly wrong.

Only one can understand my state of mind,
and I left him there way back far behind.

If time is now the issue, I will buy what I can,

For my life is now told by a sharp ticking man. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Getting a little personal, but I guess that is the power of the poem.
Help me improve, would love some advice/feedback :) 

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last updated 12 March 2013 - 1:00pm
©12 March 2013 - 10:57am — Biffy
12 March 2013 - 12:45pm — SSmoothie
SSmoothie's picture

Pretty good bones here! I

Pretty good bones here! I guess for me it's too rhyme-y don't get me wrong I love the rhymes all good but perhaps if you try and other line between them or rhyme every second stanza it might come across more of an easier read, with out trying so hard. Poetic and lyrical is great in rap or limericks if that's what it is but I'm not sure it seems like a poignant piece judging by the content but the rhymes could be tongue in cheek? Nice work over all cheers SS 

Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."

12 March 2013 - 1:07pm — Biffy
Biffy's picture

Ye it feels like I'm just

Ye it feels like I'm just writing limericks or haiku, I always get the sense I'm rhyming too much, but its nice to be told :), hopefully I can weave a little creativity into some of the work.

Just hard  to break the habit or even get the right balance but I have only written 3 poems in my life so far and your feedback helps a lot. Maybe if I actually write a full poem it will come into play.

THANKS!