general unhappiness

Happiness

Without warning it dies on days like this
I wonder if it could get worse,
But deep inside I know that it could destroy me all together
I tell myself I can handle this
No need to worry anyone else with these thoughts
He, my lover and best friend, will catch me if I fall
But not even he can hold on to the emotions that slowly unravel themselves
I hate how consuming it all feels, until the point that breath can no longer escape smoothly
Sometimes this painted on smile gets me through
At the end of the day I just want to explode into tears and scream until my voice fades
Without warning, Happiness, dies on days like this

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Old Wishes

Why is it i still love you?
Why do i act like i'm only a friend
Inside i want to say that's true
But it's with you my life i'm to spend

I'm hiding behind a mask
Because i can't get over you
So i put myself to the task
Of trying to forget you

I feel worthless, insane and consummately inane. Because i wont ever tell you.
Because i wont let my brain, thoughts of you entertain.

I'm losing control of my emotions
I know you more than anyone
But you don't see my hidden devotion
Because after causing you trouble i'm done

i want your happiness to abound
Because i love you more than you know
I just want to hear the sound
Of all your happy moments grow

So i'm facing myself
And putting my love aside
So i don't feel all alone
I just can't seem to abide
With my own feelings
And this strange animosity
Throwing me against the ceiling
Through my own curiosity

Because i love you
But for you it's not there
Not a thing to do
Except act debonaire.

You love someone that Doesn't love you back. You don't see me because he blinds you. Love is the only thing i lack. But if you're happy, i can be through.

Struggling as much as i do
You have always been there to help me through
And even in my eyes you cannot see
I just want your happiness to Be.

I'm sorry i'm inadequate.
My experience illiterate
But please be considerate
Be my friend. So i don't quit.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this after a break up of a relationship that was never there. I yearned to be with her even though I despised her. I hope someone can relate with this.