#betrayal #heartbreak #desire

Black heart. Pretty eyes

 

You’re dark. And I don’t mean sad songs at 3 am dark, I mean the hissing, overwhelming, scary kind of dark. The darkness that follows little girls into the shadows and leaves them exposed, raw. The darkness that settles like a snake, changing it’s sinful skin and hiding it in the shades of shameful past. Your darkness lives behind millions of layers of your pretty eyes, behind your foolish lies that come out of your mouth as flickering flames burning my body with desire, behind strong powerful hands that can hold my waist gently as well as grip into my neck. You whispered into my ear softly making me believe that my bare skin is all you craved, that my coral lips, that are still in marked with ashes from that cigarette I smoked because you broke another promise, were the only thing you couldn’t  resist. You held me against your chest draining my helpless body of blood, looking deep inside my eyes. I failed to push you away as my heart was beating wildly, my body ached and my mind came down to one thought, that no matter how hard I tried to deny it, i wanted you . It’s scary how your darkness consumed me, made me want you even more. I desired your lips on mine, but as our faces got close enough, you pulled away. The doubt in your eyes was followed by a million excuses why, after having my body in the palm of your hand, you couldn’t give me what i wanted  . As I walked to my house in the numb silence the only thing that was on my mind was how fucking dark you are.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The disappointment caused by unanswered desire can be stronger than heartbreak. I wrote this poem when i was 13 years old, it was the first time i felt a powerful sexual attraction to a boy so i mistakened it for love as at that point i didn't know the power a body can possess. That boy made me feel things i didn't know i could feel making it hard for me to resist him whenever he wanted me. I knew he was a bad, fucked up person but that didn't stop me from wanting him. I dedicate this poem to the girls who believed they can change a bad guy. 

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