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How Could the one I gave my heart to

make me feel so bad?

I took the words from a Aaliyah song

It helps me explain the hurt,

But I can't explain what's wrong.

I feel so vulnerable at times.

I'm scared his hearts not mine.

I'm completely and totally devoted to him;

He makes me weak by way of trembling skin,

At times it seems we read each others minds

And other times...I cry,

Because I think he purposely tries to hurt me,

And then with insecurity I believe I am not worthy.

He is like my oxygen he aids my living successfully,

But recently each and every day

I've been giving him the best of me.

I'm afraid to think he's using me

And I'm just another girl

Because truly in my heart he's my entire world.

If and when I tell him these things

He always remains silent,

And it drives me crazy to wonder what he's thinking;

Then I drown myself in violence.

When I doubt his love for me

I get a mixture of emptiness and butterflies,

Then I don't know what to do with myself

Because I'm addicted and in his love I'm high.

Then for being in love I feel dumb

And my body unwillingly becomes numb.

Then as I wipe salted water from dripping down my face

My heart doesn't know it's place.

It feels broken

And I realise "Love is pain"

Then I lay my head down to sleep

And my phones rings again,

And it's you,

And I'm crying and your listening and I tell you

I don't know what to do,

And you listen...atleast I think you listen

But for the longest you never say a word.

Then you say I love you

And I believe you

But why does my heart hurt?

And I just want to be with you

And be safe in your arms

So as we say goodnight

And I go and drift to slumber

You wander in my dreams

And walk around my mind

I lock my love inside my heart and pray it doesn't die.

I just remember love is pain

And though exhausting

It's somehow worth the fight.