How Could the one I gave my heart to
make me feel so bad?
I took the words from a Aaliyah song
It helps me explain the hurt,
But I can't explain what's wrong.
I feel so vulnerable at times.
I'm scared his hearts not mine.
I'm completely and totally devoted to him;
He makes me weak by way of trembling skin,
At times it seems we read each others minds
And other times...I cry,
Because I think he purposely tries to hurt me,
And then with insecurity I believe I am not worthy.
He is like my oxygen he aids my living successfully,
But recently each and every day
I've been giving him the best of me.
I'm afraid to think he's using me
And I'm just another girl
Because truly in my heart he's my entire world.
If and when I tell him these things
He always remains silent,
And it drives me crazy to wonder what he's thinking;
Then I drown myself in violence.
When I doubt his love for me
I get a mixture of emptiness and butterflies,
Then I don't know what to do with myself
Because I'm addicted and in his love I'm high.
Then for being in love I feel dumb
And my body unwillingly becomes numb.
Then as I wipe salted water from dripping down my face
My heart doesn't know it's place.
It feels broken
And I realise "Love is pain"
Then I lay my head down to sleep
And my phones rings again,
And it's you,
And I'm crying and your listening and I tell you
I don't know what to do,
And you listen...atleast I think you listen
But for the longest you never say a word.
Then you say I love you
And I believe you
But why does my heart hurt?
And I just want to be with you
And be safe in your arms
So as we say goodnight
And I go and drift to slumber
You wander in my dreams
And walk around my mind
I lock my love inside my heart and pray it doesn't die.
I just remember love is pain
And though exhausting
It's somehow worth the fight.