PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Why is it that I am only creative when I am in a depressed state?
That is not to say that I am neccessarily depressed, just thinking about something depress-ing. An important distinction, I think.
Other people, it seems, experience something positive and become so inspired - so much that they must record it somehow- a photograph, a song, a poem. I, on the other hand, am only able to muster up the energy needed to strike that creative nerve when I am especially stressed and depressed. It's not that I haven't tried at other happier times, because I have, and I draw blank, or I quickly grow bored, or what I write is crap and has no heart- no true ring to it. It's like I thrive on my own unhappiness.
One of the first pictures i was ever comfortable with looking at myself in was from my 9th grade Shakespeare project. There I was with a plain white t-shirt, flared faded out blue jeans, no make up and straight unfixed hair with a lost/souless/unhappy/blank look in my eyes.. holding up a dress 3x too big for me because I had left my partner to do it alone since I was suspended for drugs during that time, and in fact was most likely fucked up in that very moment in the picture- which would explain why I look so numb to the world and why I have no recollection of that picture being taken even thought I'm staring directly into the camera, and it was part of the presentation to have a picture taken- so I've been told. I've always thought I looked beautiful in that moment- not that I would ever verbally admit that to anyone I know.
Ironically, it was that English class which triggered my find for my talent (?) of writing. The 1st poem I wrote was a love poem in regards to Romeo & Juliet. After that, all my emotions just poured out of me. I'm not sure I even knew how depressed I was until I read what I wrote- 90% of it suicidal writing. The other 10% describing my LDR online- which looking back, I feel very strange/uncomfortable/confused and guilty about the whole thing- him, my writing, the length of it- maybe that it even existed. The writing was pretty good, I think, but its the only thing I've ever really positively written about. I was very passionately immersed in him. But of course, he was a writer too (rap, but nonetheless..), and I felt encouraged.
I wrote a few times about my friends (generally and individual) but the quality of ..everything... was nowhere close. Even my Romeo inspired poem had a sad vibe and it was supposed to be about Love- not the tragedy of it.
The second time I wrote a poem for school (12th grade), it was a sonett in particular. I made it about the stars- but it too was melancholy- about their inevitable death and being totally replaceable- but it was a shooting star nonetheless. And yet! I portray a happy laughing smiling(despite my insecurity of my crooked teeth) personality.
Am I like a flower of God's? A Purple flower is purple because it absorbs all the colors of the spectrum except that which you see. It is the absence of purple. Purple is reflected because it lacks. Am I the absence of happiness?
Maybe I do need a therapist. Maybe, I'm not capable of verbalizing, only writing- "My spot for mental hiding."