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The pain of Size 0
You begin to forget what it's like to live and only know how it feels to exist. You feel trapped in your thoughts and you can't find a way out. The sadness and anger you feel every time you look in the mirror or get undressed. The feelings of guilt and shame than you can't do it right, nothing. Nothing you do can make you love yourself that little bit more, but you carry on, carry on hurting yourself, starving yourself, slowly killing yourself just in hope that in the end you will be beautiful, good enough and like yourself. You put up with the sharp chest pains, tummy pains, head aches, dizziness, sore throat, muscle cramps and the constant voices in your head in hope that you will be a size 0. It's a hard life to live and most of the time you don't want to live, but you can't just stop, the voices and guilt just won't let you. The demon inside of you has taken over and it's stronger than you, a million times stronger. You try to fight it to try and be normal and feel abit happier but you can't, you loose the battle and day by day you feel yourself giving up that little bit more, until one day when you feel like you can't fight anymore. You break down infront of your mirror in nothing but underwear, the voices screaming 'you're not good enough, you never will be. You're a disgrace. A failure' and you believe them, every single word of it. You sit up, look at your self and scream, scream at yourself until you're red in the face, tears rolling down your face and after 10 minutes of doing this, you get up, get dressed, wipe your face and walk out the door. Pretending to be happy. Pretending to want to be breathing. Pretending that everything's ok and you're happy, when all you want to do is loose every inch of fat on your body so you can feel pretty and beautiful and you won't stop until you do, even if it kills you and that's the sad part, you don't care how it's harming your body, you just want to be thin, even if it kills you.
