the one about feelings

Folder: 
2020

Why does it take this long

to understand the chemistry under my skin?

Almost like they are spelling it out

 

I lie here and things

happen.

Only sometimes

I am fast enough to take them out of the air

this tornado of

 

how can I hate him and want to be him at once?

I want to pull apart everything that might make the world burn

and once I have it I will

hold it for safekeeping

 

I’m counting the reasons I can’t find you.

A world blind to us

little pieces of the past

all the impossibles I want to reach

and so I keep slipping

further away from them

trying to find a forever

that always feels brand new.

 

I want to shapeshift

every day

into something a little different

into exactly what you need

but how can I when all I can say is

 

how can I want you and be what you want at once

aching like this

I could tell you everything you did today

every word you have written for me

everything you love

but

I’m still counting your scars

I want I need to know you better

I want to be the queen of your world

but I don’t know the landscape

I can barely hold your hand

 

some words twist out of existence into

a hole in my chest

I want to be the perfect distraction like I used to be

I want to be the one to make you forget where you are

 

so I’m counting the reasons I can’t find you.

Kisses on street corners

ghosts only I can see

all the impossibles I want to reach

and so I keep slipping

further away from them

trying to find a forever

that always feels brand new.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 12/17/20

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SSmoothie's picture

What great imagery to examine

What great imagery to examine such an age old concept in new a medium. Very clever lines i especially loved the "chemistry under my skin" the flights of fancy,  whimsical transition into a range of transforming chameleon ideas of the self to pacify the other in the hopes of passifying the self an endless struggle of attempting the impossible andnyry there is still hope beyond all hope! I enjoyed the Odessa through this mind process... hugss 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am