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if i cared
mom my life is waisting
far away from here
mom my dreams are breaking
mixing with my tears
and i don't know what's better
to feel or to die
and i don't know what's easier
to fight or say good-bye
and i feel
about as much as anybody
and i feel
but i can't seem to care
dad my days are fading
i can't find the light
dad the stars aren't shining
they're no longer bright
and i don't know what's better
to feel or to die
and i don't know what's easier
to fight or say good bye
and if i cared
i could have had another day
and if i cared
life would have never been this way
if i cared at all...
I think this one is my favorite so far. I don't know what to tell you though, that you haven't heard a thousand times before so I won't try, but it was great. :)
This is good. One note, in the first line, 'waisting' should be 'wasting' unless that's some kind of pun that is going over my head...
Anyway... This is very good. I can't explain why exactly. The form has something to do with it. The repetition is efective and dramatic. Other than that, maybe it's just the theme of desperation. It's a good one... and well written.
IM me sometime (ikikdababy) and we'll talk about living in Kansas City and how drab and boring it is. (I live in Independence).