[after Stephane Mallarme's poem, "Le Cygne,"
comments from Saiom and Patriciajj caused it
to become a poem]
Dismal and then dark becomes the sky overhead; a
moonless, starless glimpse of that which, in the
water's depth, has surrounded you since the
recession of deluge from the highest mountain's
uppermost peak---in the process of which the
force of its withdraw drew you into the floor of
mud that mired, engulfed, and imprisoned the
stupendous dimensions of your physique, immobilizing
those huge finned limbs and even the slenderly enormous
length of your neck, restricting even the very tip of
your tail, the stabilizer of forward or upward movement.
Leviathanic, behemothian herbivore:
seaweed---or its dedritus drifting from above---nourish you;
last and lowest ripples have exchanged the gasses
across your gills (your lungs, for this long span of ages,
dormant). Suddenly, as from a hidden core of which you
can know nothing, a groan, even a roar, emerges as the
very world around you is shaken, and the rocks of the
ancient walls that have enclose this place are toppled; of you,
awareness that is not yours has never forgotten you:
plethoras of bubbles arise from numberless fissures, as the
restraints that have so long confined you here shatter and you
begin, effortlessly, begin to rise, out of this trench. Stiffness, to be
expected after so long, will give way to instincts that have always
been within you. Some hours after (as another, now dominant,
species measures the span of the great light above), your
gigantic head breaks the surface, and that great light shimmers
around you. Not far from here (as another, now dominant,
species measures the span of rocky lands and waterless
surfaces), one like unto that species (like unto, except in the
inclination and choice to sin) hangs, suspended, from two
rough-hewn shafts of local wood; by others, of that species
slain . . . .
masterful
It's not for me to gild this lily.. but simply to write 'magnificent'
Please forgive me for failing
Please forgive me for failing to acknowledge this wonderful compliment.
J-9th94
Like a gentle monster
Like a gentle monster conspiring to emerge and shake the Earth, you worked a mysterious spell under the surface of your breathtaking and theatrical unfolding of a meaningful scene—it is the drama of captivity, escape and surging liberation . . . with an ominous implication.
It was clever to disclose very little backstory and spotlight the moment the captive "breaks the surface, and that great light shimmers/around you." That moment is the central sun in this highly symbolic galaxy. One could debate forever what the precise symbolism applies to, and that is its greatness: It encapsulates so many aspects of the human adventure and even life itself.
The style, as always, is a perfect fit for the creation. No buoyant lyricism here, but a recreation of the tortuous struggle, strikingly symbolized by haunting images and your own, instinctive linguistic spellwork, and of course, it all culminates in the thundercap of an Earth-shifting event.
I can see how the classic poem inspired this, but you took the concept a step higher and made it your own. The handiwork of a great mind.
How can the words "thank you"
How can the words "thank you" even begin to acknowledge a comment like this? Yet I have no words that would adequately express what this means to me. Just know that I am having a very painful morning, but your words have lifted me right out of that.
J-9th94