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Suffocation by Tears
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Dusk Indiscriminate like a blood-craving mosquito,
It creeps over my skin,
Sucking away my happiness and leaving me blue in the face,
Heave, gasp, try to breath,
Suffocation by tears.
It’s only the beginning.
The sun never truly shines here,
Just a dull yellow bulb shrouded in clouds
And feebly flickering
Until it succumbs to the night.
I succumb to the night.
The black rain, the overcast skies, the smothering humidity,
I was used to salt stinging my face,
But it was the salt from the Pacific waters,
Not the man-made river of my Eyes.
My face doesn’t have that glow that used to separate me
From the rest of the blank-faced, black and white chess pawns.
I struggle on, one slow yet spirited step at a time,
And I’m always knocked over by some higher power,
Forced to start my happiness over from rock bottom again,
And dig myself out of the same hole I’ve been buried in
A million times over.
Today,
I plan to break lose,
Yesterday
and the day before,
I planned to break lose.
One day I plan to break lose.
This time for real, for good.
Break the cycle, jump the gun,
Into a pillow of glowing dreams that are mine to conquer.
Just, to get there, I must sift through the todays and yesterdays,
Parts of me are dying inside
In order to make other possibilities possible.
I give up certainty to chase that charming chance,
risking
Suffocation by tears
along the way.
