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It's amazing what I've made my heart go through,
just to watch it break all over again.

I close my eyes in the dark of night,
listening only to the steady beat,
calms me in ways no one knows.

I've whispered my fears into deaf ears,
I've hung my head in shame,
done so much wrong, trying to atone for my misspent years.

I wonder if I'll find redemption,
if the counts against my soul are just too many.

Learning to let go,
breathe, allow the madness to take control.

So many years wasted beating my head against a wall,
all he's given me for my efforts was betrayal.

My lips are bared in a snarl,
the shadows consume just for tonight.

Am I strong enough to walk away,
or will he forever own me, I don't want to be a slave.

Feeling like a whore again,
how could I have missed the truth,
guess I was too blinded by the view.

Know I should say goodbye,
words I'm wasting, anything to preoccupy my mind.

Dreams crushed upon the sand,
nothing more than a photograph.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm still sane,
seeing auras, things that are only there on a spiritual plane.

Words that come unbidden into my sight,
nothing makes sense, trying to make it right.

Waiting for my world to turn right side up,
time never stops, life goes on no differently than before.

Dissociation, hanging by a thread, anything to stay with you,
is it enough, the nightmares won't let up.

I wish I was enough,
that I could find the will to stay,
but I can feel myself slipping away.

My heart whispers to me,
"Fight harder, you aren't through,
do you hear me beating,
I'm not done with you."

"What's the point?" I ask,
silent questions with no answers,
knowing I'm losing it but it doesn't really matter.

"I'll live, breathe, then die,
what's the point in reaching if it only adds to the pain inside,
what's the point of feeling if there will be nothing left to bury."

"You're stronger than you think," comes the soft reply,
"you've survived this long, been through more than most could handle.

You'll always trip and fall,
not want to find it in you to get back up,
but you can't let anyone get the better of you.

Hold onto your pride, feel the pain,
take life by the hands, find a higher ground.

You have good instincts, kind intentions and a tender heart,
those are nothing to be ashamed of,
it makes you who you are.

Never let the abuse you receive change you,
they are the flawed ones, if you could see it from the inside,
you'd only find the beauty in the pain."

Open my eyes, taking the words and branding them in my mind,
I won't forget anything, only rise above,
nothing can touch me, I'm indestructible.

Come closer, see in my eyes,
you'll find madness, a strength greater than you'll ever know,
accept me as I am, I'm too stubborn to change.