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Its been 9 years.
What have i done?
why did i do it?
There is no possible combination of words to explain this feeling, but i do try.
Through all these years, ive thought of you every day and dreamed of you every night.
I love to dream of you, it feels like your here.
In my dreams we have grown together.
Everything is fine and i never did betray you.
I call these dreams nightmares, for when i wake up... its over, your not there.
Everything i say and do reminds me of you.
The music i love
The views i have
the beliefs i fight for
The food that i eat
The things i smell
The things i see
It feels like your inside my soul.
I write letters to you.
I always apologies
I killed the beauty we created together.
Beauty much greater than love ever knew.
Now it haunts me.
I lied to you
I need to hear you again, see you again.
I put the letters under my pillow
In hopes that you may receive it in your dreams.
I try to avoid the thought of you.
It becomes hard to live when i wake up.
I cant get the dreams of you and memories out of my heart.
Ive grown.
Ive never grown out of you.
I will never feel love like we had...ever again.
Ive tried.
Everything is empty.
I am empty.
Im happy and i function.
I know that i need to be.
Ill be carrying the punishment for what ive done
On my back...till the day i die.
I found pictures of you
Ohh did it feel good.
I love your face.
Your shiny black hair
Handsome smile
I miss your body.
I miss your touch.
No man can make me feel the things you have.
I remember the last time i touched your face.
Do you?
We sat in your car
You asked if i would stay
I said ill always love you.
I knew it then, i know it now.
I was destroying myself
With all the effort you had, you tried to save me.
I left and i continued to pull apart the future.
I hurt you, and i am so deeply sorry.
You always forgave me
Cried with me, laughed with me
Needed me, Wanted me
You made me feel special.
I hated myself.
And i pushed it on you, it was never your fault.
I really will always love you.
I will always be ashamed and sorry
I will never forgive myself.
I will never forget you.
All of my friends still talk about you.
My family talks about you.
They haven't forgotten you either.
You are worth so much more than you've ever known.
You deserved so much more that what i gave you.
I feel i need closure
I need it for you
I think there is a part of you with me that i need to return to you.
I feel like you have a part of me as well.
Im not sure if these things need to be returned or given.
I would like to know someday.
you.