Pain-
You can experience pain like you can’t imagine in this life:
It happens in an instant
like lightning,
bang!
And it hits you and you feel it in your chest-
whoosh.
And then, just, a second
The longest second ever
And the first crash of thunder…
and it echoes inside you forever
That one moment
The jolt, where it peirced you
And the thunder of it rumbling forever
And if you live like that for a long enough time
Eventually that’s all that’s left anymore
That’s all you can make out anymore-
The deafening noise of pain that’s stuck inside you
Although I have seen many
Although I have seen many poems, in the second person voice, I think you have handled this difficultvoice very well. I believe that the subject of the poem required the second person voice---because, in this particular subject, that voice allows you to address the reader directly, and establishing a fellowship with the reader, and presenting an understanding of the universal experience of Pain. A first person strategy, like a blog, might have failed; and a third person approach, like a philosopher would have used, would have sounded hollow or patronizing. Pain is a very personal, and possibly very intimate, experience. Most human beings have some knowledge of it; and, in addressing the reader directly, you establish a keen fellowship on one of the few grounds of our humanity where such a fellowship can not only be established, but can thrive. I can feel better about my pain (in this case, mostly physical, but often excruciating---as it will be on Monday when I undergo a procedure) having heard you describe it (that first stanza is chilling in its verbal accuracy) so well. And, though the poem is subjective, it is also objective because it speaks to aspects of pain that I can validate, from my past, and going forward.
On a couple of Patriciajj's poems, I have said that one of the functions of Poetry is for Poets, who are part of the Cosmos, to explain the Cosmos to itself. I happen to believe we are alone in this Cosmos (although I do not disparage anyone who believes differently), and that one of the reasons for which we were created is, like Adam naming the animals in Eden, to name the constellations, and to create the explanation of the Cosmos for the Cosmos. I also believe that part of this explanation process is to explain ourselves to ourselves as well. Pain is part of this broken world, and one of our burdens within it. This poem you have posted is part of the explanation we offer ourselves, as, for the poem's duration, you speak for us, and on our behalf; and, at the same time, the Cosmos, just over your shoulder, is listening in.
Starward