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This life I lead is not the way that I want to live…

So Father, forgive me; and see that it’s just the way it is…

I’m not a fiend for currency or anything; just the vengeance of my adversaries –

All bitches – ‘cause all niggas can relate to me…

Are we all just stuck in the storm?

I put my heart in this poem – to help us all grow in time…

But our minds are gone…

Am I wrong for saying, we went from Brothers & Sisters, to fagot niggas & dyking bitches?

And we can skip the preliminaries, ‘cause it’s obvious that the world’s theme is riches…

And my ex’s scheme has been revealed –

To take my only son away – her secret’s no longer concealed…

Impregnated just to raise the baby on her own…

This baby mama drama almost got the chrome pushing the right side of my dome…

‘Cause all that’s left for me is my misery…

And distant memories of the three of us, but she fucked up my dreams of a family…

And when she left, so went a huge piece of me…

I no longer know who I am, ‘cause she became my identity…

What do I tell my seed when he finally asks me,

“Daddy, the initials on your neck, what does that mean?”

“Through My God” is what I tell myself in my mind…

But how can I lie to something that is mine?

And the image on my chest I want to put to rest,

But through all my distress I have no regrets…

Heart-broken; torn apart; and my emotions sore…

My lonely teardrops are getting bigger, but can’t figure what I’m crying for…

This reflection of this man in the mirror makes the truth about me being like my Pops even realer…

Afraid to close my eyes ‘cause all I see is terror –

A life where my son calls another man daddy,

And calls me Uncle Darius…

Not even her moms can comprehend the pain from her daughter’s heart tear…

And I keep the truths about me locked inside, ‘cause I don’t want to scare her…

I’m on my knees begging the Lord for his mercy…

Not even knowing if I’m worthy,

But I guess I’m the blame for all this pain, ‘cause I played the game like no woman could ever hurt me…

But she left me with scars – tears on my pillow, but I still stayed…

As I sat and prayed that the pain would some day go away…

Just take my hand and understand, if you can see…

My ambitions were to be the man she wanted me to be…

And just when I though we worked things out, and was living happy…

A late night phone call telling me she’s pregnant, and it’s obvious that I’m the daddy…

But as time passed on she slowly kicked me out the scene…

I don’t even know my son’s name, and she say she’s not naming him after me…

Wasn’t there for the ultrasound; I guess I was just her sperm donor…

And now I’m all alone pondering, “If only I had worn a condom…”

But Lord, have no misinterpretations, because I’m grateful for my seed…

For him I’d live and die; I just don’t want him taken from me…

God, you promised him to me; and you say that your word is bond…

I don’t give a damn if she doesn’t want to be with me,

I just want to raise my son…

Look through my eyes and travel past this disguise…

Yes! I miss her Lord!

It’s written in tattoo that she’s my world…

And I love her from the heart…

May this pain be the last to my unborn seed…

Keep God first, and see the curse break…

Don’t take this road I lead…

They say it’s a blessing in disguise, but I never asked for this misery…

I only prayed for happiness and peace,

But it seems love is conquering the man in me…

And a woman will be the death of me; my down fall at least…

I’ve crawled back it seems…

Back on my feet, but my problems are all back from the deceased…

Trying to survive all this stress & depression from school…

I can’t resist an easy fuck, so I’m stuck –

I live by my father’s rule…

Please, Lord, forgive me, but she made me this way…

I only loved her, and did everything I could,

But she played me for a fool, and sent me on my way…

And as the days pass by my mind is more corrupt…

I’m antisocial; anti-love; and I no longer give a fuck…

Her moms say that her belly’s getting bigger,

But not as big as the cries & tears from my eyes she’s disregarded for years…

It’s going to take some time by the millions to kill this mental…

‘Cause I’ll never be the same again; I have no more feelings…

it’s not right what they put me through, yet they curse me…

afraid of their reflection in the mirror, ‘cause their conscience knows they hurt me…

I wonder if I’m wrong ‘cause I’m cold hearted?

It all started after she left me in the cold – all sore…

And sorry for the naked thoughts that stalk my mind…

I’m living blind,

So Lord, help me with my troubled soul,

But understand that I’m living in some troubled times…

It seems I have to fight for what is mine,

But the struggle is suffering…

I can’t win for losing; the abuse is suffocating…

And my pain is an understatement…

I reminisce on broken promises…

I guess her love was too over-rated…

Inside my mind I’m a dead man stuck in time;

An undercover corpse covered in flesh, breathing my last breath…

So in case I never get to see my seed grow,

Lord, take my harvest, and show him the love that to me, no one ever showed…

‘Cause ghetto seeds born Black can still grow…

These are my letters to my unborn –

Signed, sealed, & delivered…

So in case I’m not there under circumstances, just know your father tried to be a man,

But my plans were hindered…

And you, I’ll always remember…

Until the end of time



Tha Prodigal One...