PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

by DaddyO

She doesn't revel in this title.

I wish I could convey to her how important the things she provided for me were.

The comfort she gave me was the shining achievement of her submission. It was something I valued immensely.

As was her dependability.

As was her reassurance.

As was the way she built me up.

I took what she offered me and did not give back in return all she deserved.

This was not done intentionally.

I didn't know what to do other than being honest with her about it. That brutal honesty was painful for her. I presented myself honestly and employed openness. By this, I hoped to convey to her that I was not able to provide for all of her needs, and the decision to continue in a relationship with me was hers to forge. It wasn't that I didn't want to provide for her needs, it was that I simply couldn't do it.

"We're polyamorous" 

That is what I kept telling myself

In hindsight, I should have moved on. But everyone sees something different in polyamory.

The truth is, I was satisfied with what I received from her and what she was providing for me (comfort, dependability, reassurance).

But with her needs I failed (omitted due to privacy issues, but feel free to speculate and know that none of them were unreasonable requests).

Every time I hinted to her that perhaps I was not the right person to fulfill those needs, she reminded me:

She would calmly whisper...

"I know."

Then the subject became buried. I began to question myself.

She seemed to accept her role as comfort and reliability for me and I was happy with that role, so we forged on.

Perhaps in time, our relationship would have evolved and become more like it was in the beginning, but I cannot expect anyone, even the "Queen of Compersion", to wait for that to happen.

She knew that I had resolved myself to this reality when I didn't run out of the room screaming and raising hell when she made her decision to leave me last night.

"She kissed me and got out of our bed."

I didn't fight. This is because I know I don't deserve her.

No, not when I am unable to give back to her what she deserves.

I always have reasons and excuses and pride myself for having a justification for everything.

This time I didn't.

This is the time I cannot justify my actions because they are based completely on feeling rather than thinking.

But one cannot change their kinks to match ones heart any more than one can change their heart to match their mind.

Yes, it's three different things for me:

• Heart (warm comfort)
• Mind (honor and reassurance)
• Soul (kinky lust and libido)

Continuing to paraphrase the Meat Loaf song:

"Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

Only in Meat Loaf's song I always thought that the stuff there "ain't no way I'm ever gonna do", wouldn't have hurt so bad had they been in a polyamorous relationship.

I was wrong.

And if you are humming the song in your head, yes:  I do love her.