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I will not apologize for writing this poem.

I will not say that I am sorry for wanting to feel bad about taking a turn that I knew was heading for the worst.

Everyone remembers their first love, and unfortunatley I remember mine all to well.

I think about him the way you think about summer during the biggest snow storm of the Century.

That endless feeling of wanting them to miss you, but in reality always knowing they only say you as less than second best.

Missing me is not in your vocabulary, therefore, it is never in your mind.

I wish I could say that your name was wiped from my mind the day that you hurt me.

But there were so many days that occurred, that I ended up losing everything I was because my mind didn't understand how to just drop you.

Two years of lies, deceit, and uselesstalk of the future, and I still left knowing you're the only thing that makes me happy anymore.

Caring for you was harder than caring for an infant, you demanded my heart and I gave you my entire body.

You impregnated me with your thoughts of love should be and now every guy I meet has to compete by your rules.

I can go a day, I can go a week, I can go a month, but ask me to go a year without seeing you and I might just die.

The ocean stands no chance with the power of your crashing waves, each one more deavstating than the last.

I didn't notice the problems before, but as the blindess of love faded, I focused in on smoky house you had built around me;

The bed of distrust that you had layed me on is slowing melting into the floor of secrecy

The funny thing is, we never dated.

I was too defeaned by the love you told me was normal for teenagers to have.

But nothing about us was normal.

Nothing from the way I let you walk with other girls in the hall, and when I would ignore the fact that I heard you were kissing other girls.

You're love was all I had for a while. Life support couldn't even touch how alive you had me feeling.

The house of smoke had finally collapsed and I have found another guy.

But how is it that you convince me to go against all my beliefs and let you touch me where it means most again?

We won't get back together, this I am as sure as the rising sun.

But I will always be in that spot of desperation to touch your cheek like I always did before.

Love is just an illusion, but it sure had me fooled.

I know Im not in your top five of first loves.

But I am okay with that, and my number one spot will have the X that your crossed out name left.