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Who's real ?
What happens when your tired of being used
Tired of writing sad songs and singing the blues
Friends ? Not friends at all
The same snakes you take to the mall
Everyday faces seem so predictable
Their only goal, is to ruin things unfixable
But you standing strong, taking all you can take
Backed up in a corner with a shell that can't break
And your lost, with no sense of direction
Just wanting to feel some type of love and affection
Cringing for words, craving for the truth
Looking beyond all disguises for who is here for you
Knowing what is right and doing what is wrong
Confused by the words they say so strong
Young wild nights turn in to unbreakable habits
Looking back to the past saying shit happens
Do words hurt ? Do they mean what they say ?
Will they give you the answer or show you the way ?
The truth is always left unsaid
But you will know who was real
Only when your dead
Yes feedback but what type?
Structure needs to be worked on stanzas or paragraphs can be helpful to let the reader clear from the last idea, the words have an interesting take some right there unmistakeable and in your face and others more obscure...
Now if we look towards intention I think your poem sets out your intention to challenge the notion of true friendship versus being used. Paying lip service not really caring, but friendships are just that now mates hip that's a different level where you share a trial and understand with compromise the value of such...
Now we look at the flow, it has mid range speed that changes tone effectively dead pan on the last line for effect... I like that a lot! ....
Your ideas are strong and your metaphors work very well with the theme. There bits of ideas missing so it is not seemless for the reader like the lovely flow...
Your ideology is sound and fair and valid assessment. I like that you don't know we'll find out when we die alluding to the afterlife in a ghost like fashion watching your real friends rue your demise...
It's a very good poem, not the greatest I've read, but very sincere I and personally I liked it a lot good work! Cheers SS! ;)
Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS
"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."