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FAT
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JOURNAL#1 happiness happiness where did you go
leaving me all alone in the bitter snow
life is only just one big hole
and at the bottom of that hole lies
my poor defeated soul
love
love is my constant companion but not my
friend
it stood beside me long enough to break my heart
then left it to never mend
sickness sometimes comes over me in gut wrenching
waves
and it nearly kills me inside to have these
unfulfilled craves
the cold lonely and loveless nights can hurt so
bad
these feelings leave me so very drained and sad
FAT! what a perfectly disgusting word
one of the ugliest words I have ever heard
fat girls are not loved they are just pitied and or
put up with
it's at my own self mostly that I am so miffed
like a silent rage in the near night
my angry soul cries out to God
please let me lose weight alright?
my unused heart aches so for just a little tenderness
my body to be held reverently close by some unknown
attentive lover who lives out on the west coast
he is my white knight on a fiery steed
he is the epitome of love and all that I need
he's my lover for life the forever type of man
upon his arrival I will be whisked away from this pain
that was never planned
why I'll be beautiful in his luminous eyes
there will only be love and respect
never cruel jokes or lies
we'll lay close together at night
his attention and love will replace my compulsion
for food
whenever he wants me you can bet I will be in the mood
we'll make beautiful love and cute little girls
with his beautifully sparkling blue eyes and dark
fringed curls
our lives will be that like a painting
carefully constructed in the form of a marvelous
memorable mural..........
(written Oct 10,1984)
hi found this interesting. I too am fat.The way I look at it ,if you are predisposed to be fat you will be. Yes you can diet and go up and down the scale and to a point keep it off for quite a while but there are just some times due to hormones or what ever you end up being fat. Yes I agree fat is an ugly word.We could say the larger woman or man but what's the diff we all get called fat in the end.What people need to do is get off their high horse and accept all people for who they are inside not the exterior wether its layers of fat or what. My guy John is over 6ft tall and thin ,though he would like to see me lose some poundage he also states very clearly he takes me for who I am and what Im about.Quite honestly ,he is the only one who ever has.Men like him who are genuine a few and far between. Most men need to buy a clue and stop looking for the bikini clad Barbie types of playboy types because their looks don't last forever either.By the time they really start to age most have leather skin from too much sun,drugs,booze, screwing around and partying in younger years. Fat or thin we are all people with wants,desires,hopes and aspirations.That is the thing that should be addressed ,not layers of skin.Great write!