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Message to the Calafornia Love that Broke My Heart
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closet boxes 2002 You'll never understand, you never did before how could you now.
Your never going to see past the walls I hold up, and your never going to let me tear yours down.
You'll never see my tears because I don't trust you enough anymore to let you.
I don't even know if I am capable of crying anymore.
You'll never love anyone, not more then you love yourself.
I don't know if I can love at all anymore.
You will never let anyone in.
I really tried.
For once in my whole fucking life I tried really hard to make things work.
But that's never enough for you.
We'd never work.
You walked away from me and when you came back it was to late.
What took you so damn long, why did you have to make me wait.
I hope you enjoyed torturing me, making me believe that you used me all along.
Maybe you did, I don't care anymore.
I need to get past this, to move on.
Why won't you let me, why is it that everytime i'm almost there
my heart thinks about you.
As if i'm not being faithful to you,
as if you would even care anyway.
I wan't to let you go.
I want you gone.
I don't want the pain that I feel with every thought and every lie
to forget everything we ever had,
even if that means the good times too.
I want to live again.
To love.
To be able to care.
Let me.
Part II: By the way, she was from California also! Go figure!
Nicole,
My heart shuddered when I read this. It was as if I was writing to the one that I loved, who said she loved me, who said I was the one, only to pull away within days of each expression of her 'so called' feelings. Your words were words that I say every day to her. Nothing changes. I guess for both of us we need to make a decision to just let go. Perhaps forgiveness is the answer. I have tried that. Our hearts were broken, emotions shattered, confidence (to love) removed. I have no answers, but you sure touched me with this poem in a satisfying and frustrated (feeling as you do) way.. These 'lovers' so to speak have no heart. We cannot change them..believe it..nor can we change anything by hanging on...It still hurts and hurting is okay. I am with you here ..Keep expressing yourself. Sorry for the long-winded commment. Cheers!
ihear ya
andf well lets face it this screams ashley too
its a very ashley feeling
so thats it you are trying to become me and then kill me off and take my men eh lol well i will kill you first "*bang bang* i shoot you "
no nice poem and maybe just maybe if you are so hurt its coz you still want him too
you could give it a go just so you know for sure
ash
Much Love
Ashley
hey nikki
i could cuse some of those lines for someone.....cus im through...i cant take the pain my heart now aches from, its too painful beyond belief and hes now moved one.....no matter how manylies he told me or how many times he used me...and i cant belive i let it happen..cus look where i am now...ALONE and hes off fuckng her...i want to die nikki
Belinda