PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

“You see them everyday. People walking around with their lighters, flicking them over and over as the flame jumps in and out of sight. Students sitting in the cafeteria, lighting small paper napkins and watching them burn slowly to ashes, smudging the tables. Nothing to them, and simply a small job for those who have to clean it later. The pyro’s. I don’t think I ever really understood the appeal to blowing things up or to standing and watching as something was burned and ultimately destroyed. I secretly thought that it was stupid that someone would even try to blow a flame from their mouth, although I can recall saying that it was great one time when I saw it done. But that didn’t stop me from being like them. Eventually I found myself joining the trend, flicking my own lighter constantly, most of the time not even realizing that I was doing it. It was soothing almost in the way that one will brush their hair behind their ears, unconsciously.

It was like an addiction.



I have heard people say that every addiction has it’s price. But people are fickle, realizations come too late, and surely hindsight in a bitch. In hindsight I find that these are three of the greatest truths in life. But then… I might as well have been oblivious. Perspectives can be changed in an instant though, as was the way it has come to before me. My “insight” came on the eighteenth of September, one month exactly before my seventeenth birthday. Had it not been on this day, I might not remember that but I guess that doesn’t really have any consequence now.



I was sitting by myself in the cafeteria, just like I had every other morning for the last three years and for the few days that I had done so since I had started my final year. I had planned to do an assignment that was due at the end of that day but I couldn’t seem to find the inspiration to write anything, so I didn’t. I figured that it was better to have a late paper that was inspired then to have one handed in on time that could have been written by a toddler. So I pulled out my lighter, I was bored, and I started to flick it repeatedly. More people were coming into the cafeteria now and the teachers were filing out of the offices to patrol the halls for uniforms that were not done correctly. With this in mind, I held it closer to me. As I stood to walk away and out of the cafeteria, my friend Sarah ran up to me and began to spray sparkles all over my kilt. She did things like this all the time so I waited patiently for her to finish. It wasn’t even 9am, I was tired. So when she turned away, I thought that she was finished and I resumed my flicking game. I had no clue that only seconds later she would turn back to me and spray the rest. I wouldn’t have flicked my lighter at that moment. My clothes wouldn’t have instantly burst into flames. But this was exactly what happened.



For the first moment after that happened, I was completely in shock. What was happening? Sarah stood in front of me, her eyes wide with almost as much shock as I initially had felt myself. Thinking about it now, it’s kind of funny how at the most crucial moments, some people will just freeze up, their minds going completely blank, not thinking in the slightest about what the smartest thing to do in the situation would be. Unfortunately I happen to be one of those people. I never once occurred to me to drop to the ground or to really do anything. I couldn’t even make a sound. My hair started to go first. I could smell it burning but still in shock was unable to feel a thing. That didn’t come until I felt the heat begin to come through my clothing, licking at my skin. That was when I began to feel the pain. The only thought that now crossed over my mind now repeated itself over and over in my head “I’m gonna die!”  I finally let out an ear shattering scream that I’m sure must have been heard by the entire school, because within moments I was surrounded by people, both those I was familiar with and others I had never even seen. Sarah was pushed out of the way so that others could get near to help. Many simply jumped around with no idea what they were doing; others ran for water or for an extinguisher, anything that would cease the flames that were still burning. The pain was becoming unbearable, and I was beginning to feel faint. I think they finally put me out right around the time that I passed out of consciousness.



I woke up for a short time later on my way to the hospital. I couldn’t hear a lot other then the sirens at the time and I found myself unable to open my eyes although I tried several times. I tried to listen for any other sounds but could only hear the faint and muffled sound of someone crying at my right side. I couldn’t put a face to the sound, I just hoped that it wasn’t Sarah. I didn’t have time to think of much else though, after that I slipped back into the oblivion of darkness, no dreams, no thoughts, just black.



I’m in my hospital bed right now. I haven’t woken since the ambulance ride, when I slipped into my coma. I can hear things now though. My mom has come in every day this week to talk to me, about how pretty the flowers are and how I would really like the private room that I have. She tells me about how much my little sister misses me and how I have to get better because the house seems to quiet without me. She laughs as she says this; I was always the life of the house, the loudest. I know that she’s trying really hard to keep her voice sounding cheerful, but I can tell that it’s getting hard for her, she’s losing hope. I don’t blame her; I don’t feel so great right now. I can’t help but think that this was all so stupid, so…preventable.



My father and the doctor just walked in, both are silent and I’m sure minutes have gone by while none of them have made an attempt to talk.  I’m sitting here patiently waiting for an answer, what's going to happen to me. Finally he clears his throat and says quietly that I have burns on over 87 percent of my body and that he’s surprised that I have lived this long. That surely it won’t be long before the end comes for me, “at peace” are his exact words. I can hear my mother instantly begin to sob while my father asks if there’s anything that can be done to help me. I can tell from the silence that there is nothing. My mother’s cries show that she honestly thought I would come out of this and that I would be all right. She seems so surprised and so full of pain. I can’t really say that I’m surprised though, I guess that I knew that this was going to happen. I keep thinking of Sarah though, what is she doing right now, how does she feel. I hope that she’s okay with it all and realizes that she’s not to blame. My own stupidity put me here. That stupid lighter. I’m starting to feel faint again though. I doubt I’ll wake up again after this. It’s too late now though. Goodbye all."