Author Information
hidden cruch
lovely smile...
beautiful eyes...
rather helpful...
too twist my mind...
there she is...
shy as a kid...
misteries as a deer...
and the name lily was given to thy...
afraid of heights...
wont let her fly...
agreed i was right...
and laughfed at the same time...
later i saw ...
she was alone...
i went close...
and thouth for us both...
kept telling me no more...
laughfed so much...
felt so good and right...
that i kept going till night...
later we left...
apart we were again...
only memories were left to care...
but later well meet again...
Potential
The structure of this piece is unique and the topic is lovely, but there are quite few spelling errors. Also, the last line of the first stanza, "too twist my mind..." doesn't make since to me. Did you mean to say to?
Okay, so the spelling errors.
Second stanza: *mysterious.
Third stanza: *won't. also, *laughed.
Fourth stanza: *thought.
Fifth stanza: *laughed.
Sixth stanza: *we'll.
Also, to make the ending more dramatic, I wouldn't use an elipsis. Use a period instead on the last line, and add a comma. "But later, we'll meet again."
Just my opinion; something to think about. Other than that, very nice!
thanks ,my english is a bit
thanks ,my english is a bit rusty hehe .but i try