Shadows of

I seem to have

Completely lost touch

with this alchemy


Doubt's too overbearing

The doubts seem to

have won 


I will not give up

I'll not give in

Til I've rid myself

Of this sin again


Doubt that voice 

That speaks too loud

Doubt that doubt

Your faith is proud


Faith be with me

Faith be strong

Keep hope held

As you sing your song



Author's Notes/Comments: 

Movement... need to sand off some rust

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Starward's picture

The theologicans with whom I

The theologicans with whom I studied, or later read on my own, taught me that doubt is a part of active faith the way that, in our bodies, pain can be a part of an exercise routine.  I, myself, undergoing physical therapy for this spinal injury from which I have been recovering, learned, from my physical therapist, that some pain is to be expected and is a way to increase endurance and stamina.  I think the same thing happens when doubt seems to attack faith.  When the affliction first happened, I was paralysed from the waist down.  My legs responded to steroids, and they began to flex on their own, in strange configurations, and sometimes with enormous pain felt.  When I complained, the doctors said this was a good sign, as when my legs were completely pain-free, they were also useless.  I also was taught, by an ordained man with whom I worked, that only corpses do not feel pain; and pain is a sign of living.  I have said all that, perhaps too verbosely, to say this:  doubt is the pain of faith, and it operates on the soul in the same way that pain operates on the body.  The living soul must confront doubt as the living body must confront pain.  When I look in the Bible, I see some people who, full of doubt, are transformed in to great pillars of faith.  We are to rejoice in these kinds of trials, as Saint James tells, because they confirm our faith.  As he said, "Count it all joy . . . 

   Forgive me for my verbosity.  I have tried not to be a windbag, but, as one often confronted by many (and some of them, quite childish) doubts, I wanted to reach out to you on this.


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Morningglory's picture

I always appreciate your

I always appreciate your verbosity. Thank you. Doubt is strong. Seems like each day wants to test me. Sometimes I feel so detached or apathetic. Maybe I'm just standing stoic about all that goes on. Tears here and there but mostly just small spells. Is it strength or apathy? I'm unsure. Hmmm.... just rambling thoughts here

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Starward's picture

First, sorry for the misspell

First, sorry for the misspell of "theologians."  As for strength or apathy, it is strength you are showing.  Be assured of that.


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Morningglory's picture

Thank you I need that

Thank you I need that assurance

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Starward's picture

We all do, and we should all

We all do, and we should all share it with each other when needed.  Although I do not like the ideas of Karl Marx generally, he said one, and only one, item that I applaud.  He said that the basic human unit is always at least two, because no human being can exist without the presence of at least one other.  He suggested that the idea of the "rugged individual" who follows a solitary path is a fiction:  Every one (except four Persons in the Bible) was born of two parents; right there fits in with Marx's interpretation.  Most of what I need is made for me by others:  my food, my meds, the house in which I live, etc.  My life is touched by many others, including yours through this site.  So we are not alone in our share of the blessings, and not alone in our share of the doubts.  No one is just one; not at birth and, even at death, the spirit goes back to God.  So you are never alone, and all of us are here to help shoulder the burden of those doubts, and to encourage along your pilgrimage, which is all of ours pilgrimages.


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