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Has there ever been a life with out pain?

If it is possible to live and be free then I would like to know the secret.

Nothing escapes my curse, nothing that will harm me at least.

Everything good slips away while the suffering piles on and chews away at my being.

My personality is altered, my perseption has changed, my body is disfigured and I am playing cards with death.

Deep in the mass that is my body, a monster lies.

No more a dormant carry-along, it feeds from me.

It grows.

Benefits may be in store with how this monster is attacking, but in the end nothing is worth being silent.

I have to find a way to let them know.

A way to speak my fear.

A way to live.

If I allow myself to shy away and act as though nothing is wrong then I will expect to be seeing you at my funeral in the next 3 years or less.

Please don't fret, I have made my choice.

It is stupid.

Idiotic.

Selfish.

But I have made it and I do not regret a thing.

I would rather die than to be put through any amount of humuliation or pitty.

I would rather suffer than to feed off anothers blood through my veins on the bed that could belong to some one who needs it.

I know I will not find love, so I will not be hurting any one who has cared.

I know that my family will move on and my friends will endure.

I am ready to face this beast and fall into its grasps.

I am ready to be torn, limb from limb just to keep myself sane.

Don't be angered.

Nothing will change.

My memory will fade, just give it a day.

I bid you farewell, as an early warning.

I'll meet you 3 years from now.

Hopefully in heaven we can live at ease.

With no more pain.

No more fear.

No longer being devoured.