PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I'm a mess. I don't know where to begin to fix it. My story isn't special; the pain I've experienced is nothing different than most people have been through. In fact, many have had it a lot worse. But for some reason it hurts me deeper. I'm incredibly sensitive. Any little thing someone says can bring me to tears. And when someone I care about doesn't say anthing, it makes me fall apart. I let my emotions bring out the worst in me. 

I was never physically or sexually abused. But I have known verbal abuse. I hear so much criticism that when I hear a compliment, I don't believe it. I have internalized every negative comment until they have become part of me. I'm not sure if I was ever confident but now I am definitely plagued by insecurity. They say you are your own worst enemy and it's true. I would never say some of the things that I tell myself to my worst enemy. They are awful, hurtful things. Phrases like "you won't amount to anything." "You are wasted space." "No one has or ever will love you." Thoughts like this have destroyed so many of my relationships.

Sometimes I wish I had another life and maybe I would think differently. I don't know where these thoughts originated- if they are part of who I am or something that happened to me that I may have forgotten. The only thing I know is that something needs to change. I can't go on living with this self-deprecating mindset because it might kill me.