They don't know it
but when I utter
"Good morning"
it's a bold-faced lie.
Most nights
I go to sleep wishing,
praying desperately
that I won't wake up.
Every morning,
the alarm reminds me
of the bitter reality
that I don't
control my destiny.
Each day
I'm just waiting to die,
thinking of ways to
take my life into my hands
but cowardly backing out.
I know some would
call it "selfish"
to kill myself,
but I sometimes life
in my head is unbearable.
And the fear of
that the future holds
the same as the past
or worse yet,
is too much to handle.
I don't want to be
in this skin anymore;
I want to change but I can't
and it's so much easier
to just give up.