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Transforming Relapse
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Against the Darkness Look at my dark past. My bloody past. Look at my family.
See that I am blind with family concepts. I am a long, lost child.
In tears, I watch all of us argue. I watch the rising tide.
The Tsunami wrecking havoc on my beautiful dream.
Everyone sees the wrongs. No one sees the silent scream.
The dying plead glistening on my lost eyes.
Old behaviors. Old habits. Yes, medication.
Taking it daily. Fine. FINE. I will see my doctor.
This is a small relapse. Everything will be fine after adjustments.
The terror sulks back to the shadows.
It is watching. It is buying time. Its eyes haunt me.
I ignore it all and focus on the work at hand.
I hate my ptsd. I hate my anxiety. I hate my fucked up brain.
I wish I wasn't so damaged. I wish I could see as you see me.
Please love, I asking for help and patience....
Trust Me
Seeing the world thru non-traumatized eyes has serious dissonance and scream worthy receptivity. At 66, it has mostly been a big emotional ?. The difference is I can and have had to claw my way out of emotionally scaring hell, some can not and must never stop trying.
Reflecting
On the past two years and how my wife has helped me adjust the way I look at myself. Then a step further, she helped me learn the world is beautiful.
She is such an Angel. She has been patient in this learning curve. We both have been learning how to live together.
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I am an artist of words as well as paints.