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Against the Wall of Generations

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Commentary on Apocalypses

she speaks a world of frustrations
against the Wall of Generations
i think she's aware she's talking to it

surely beats banging head against it
when neither will create a break through,
and it's always brought joy
to the head masons
to crack skulls

 

screams against
the translucent wall
breathe upon the window
it's like the one-way
mirror version
of bullet proof glass

 

you can't touch
protected men and women
perched on stacks of bones
but, the slightest waive
of their gilded scepters
leads their mindless servants
to shatter your hope
still she needs to scream at that wall

 

she speaks a world of frustrations
against the Wall of Generations
i think she's aware she's talking to it

surely beats banging head against it

when neither will create a break through,
and it's always brought joy
to the head masons
to crack skulls

 

i look at monuments
the pyramids of egypt
the roman collesium
the empire state building
and I can count the suffering
and servitude
by the size and number of the stones
but what's most disturbing
of all
is that each are just a brick
in the wall
the Wall of Generations

 

she speaks a world of frustrations into

Author's Notes/Comments: 

advice on this one, as it is thus far?

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last updated 19 March 2022 - 3:00pm
©19 March 2022 - 2:59pm — lyrycsyntyme
20 March 2022 - 2:20pm — allets
allets's picture

Delete - Revise Suggested

"Of all'" kills the cliche.

clean up line lengths kast verse.' "Still she needs to scream." - more emotionally charged.

"you can't protect men and women..."

Delete "I think" most if oiem is objective - "I can" subjective (voice and POV change).

 

last line - ? delete

count the suffering and servitude,

the size of the stones. Most disturbing,

each of them is a brick in the wall

of generations." - tighter.

.

I never stop edting. Made changes this am to poems written in 2010.

 

 

 

~A~

 

 

 

 

24 March 2022 - 4:40pm — lyrycsyntyme
lyrycsyntyme's picture

Thank you.

Appreciate the tips and advice. And just for taking the time to read it. I will give all of our advice a good look over. : )

 

Like you, I do go back and edit through the years, as well. Often, even in the moments after posting, I see things I'd like to edit ; ) But I felt a little stuck here. Appreciating your support.