In the light of the morning I'm lost again
But in an all too familiar place
How can you stand to love me when I can't even stand to see my face
Wanna open my veins and bleed out this poison
But I'm too afraid that at the bottom there'd be nothing
So many scars on your body I carved my name
Maybe ill push a little deeper and cut myself the same
How can you stand to love me when I can't even stand to see my face
Oh you pulled me up when I was downer than down
But I can't quit gravity keep crashing to the ground
What do you see in this dead end dame
Why do you love instead of letting me drown
if you don't want me anymore
I'd understand
If you can't take it anymore
I'll withdraw my hand
I just wanna drown the sound out and that's exactly what I did
Drowning drowning so long I might as well be dead
You can look at me with soft eyes and still my heart breaks
Don't deserve your kindly words for all the tears I left on your face
And it's not my place to decide for you if I'm worth it
Just know I told you so if in the end I turn out worthless
Oh you pulled me up when I was downer than down
But I can't quit gravity keep crashing to the ground
What do you see in this dead end dame
Why do you love instead of letting me drown
Author's Notes/Comments:
Thsee lyrics have a lot of shameless self hate in them, I usually hold back a bit more on this topic because I feel it's a rather ugly side of me, and for all my moody self expression, I do believe in regarding oneself with no less than loving kindness. Especially as someone who suffers depression, I know that embracing self hate is never a productive choice but I always struggle to make it. this song is a meditation on the darker parts of that struggle
Hard to See
love and warmth thru depression - like grief for a dead beloved - nothing penetrates and the world is gray. I send you smiles and suns and if not too presumptuous - a rainbow. Life sucks for all of us from time to time - u r not alone . Be well and hugz - A
.
Thank you
Thank you so much for the kind words, it really means a lot to me