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Drowning
My feelings are raw, they're rushing in.
It feels like I'm drowning and I cannot swim.
The waves rush in, swallowing me whole.
The only thing left is my broken soul.
Is that my only lifeline? It's not strong enough.
Will it rescue me or will it give up?
A voice within tells me to grab hold of something strong, so I grab for your hand,
but I was wrong.
nice
Great poem. My kinda style & topic... My only suggestions are this: 1st, in the first few lines, be carefully of your word choice. Try not to use the word ”rush” if its not going to be a reoccurring theme, also, watch ur flow (timing), example; My feelings are raw, theyre washing in, - better flow: my feelings are so raw, they are washing in,..it feels like I am drowning and I cannot swim- better; it feels as if im drowning, not knowing how to swim....anyways, just my opinion. I loved it. Gimme more!!
TRIZ
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your honest feedback. I love to learn from other poets b/c I know that is how I am going to get better. I am new to this site, so I still have to read your work. Looking forward to it. Oh and there will definitely be more!
Leslie