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Twist: "I hate my life, I wish that Lea was here with me....I miss Lea, she always helps me get thru the bad stuff...like when my parents act so dumb, and try to hurt each other, and use me and my sister and brother as pawns in their games, God, I am SOOO tired of that......



Me: what I wish I could tell this girl, the million words that would spill out of my mouth, like diamonds and rubies...and I would tell her, not to quit, not to despair, that life can be sh*t, but, it isn't always a bad thing.....but, I keep silent, just reading her blog...not knowing if it would be the right thing to say, so quickly, because I don't know her....



Twist: "Today, my dad, lost his job, and he started drinking, and he hit my ma, and then he grabbed the car keys and started running out of the door, in the pouring rain, and even though Ma chased him all the way to the front porch, I tried pulling her back inside....because I just didn't want him to hurt her, (just in case) ...."



Me: I feel so bad for this young woman, ., , she isn't happy, actually she's miserable.....I feel so bad, ..think that I 'll write to her, regardless if it's okay or not...to give some hope, , perhaps to make me feel better, if not her!



Twist: "What is this? Who wrote to me? Where is this persons' profile? Oh, she's on this blog site... "The Bento.."..well, I'm not gonna write just yet, , ..maybe she 'll write more..then I'll see......Wonder why she wrote?! HUH?!"



Me: Well, I wrote, ...so far, no response...not gonna worry...just wanted to tell her, that she sure as heck, ain't alone....people everywhere, get the deep dark blues, ...even when their life becomes ugly..and or is becoming uglier and uglier by the minute.......Hope she understands that , I care as a regular human being....and I am not trying to be some type of strange person, that is making up this stuff.....!



Twist: "I just don't want to write to her...whomever she says she is....I'll just do my other things for now."



Me:Hey, Hi, I saw your profile, well, yeah, I also saw it the other day, but, I thought I would see if you had anything on your site..I wanna know how you are doing this week?



Twist:"Oh, hmmm! this person doesn't give up! Maybe I'll check out THEIR profile...."

"Hmmm, it looks okay, ...Hey! I got your emails......I'm still around.....so far....life still is wobbly, but, I am still able to use the computer, as my dad (if you have been reading about him) hasn't come home, yet...and he hasn't barged into my room all drunk, and trying to break things ...and so far, it's better than him being here.... (I kind of hope that he stays away for awhile....I can't stand when he gets beligerent...and drunk...it's scary... for all of us) "



Me: Hey, I just want you to know, you can write to me, if you want.....I am not going to give you a lecture...I have sort of been there....in a different way, in a different enviroment so if you feel like you need some help, just write...okay...there isn't any pressure!



Twist: "To tell you the truth, I am still frightened....my mother is crying all of the time, I have to get out of the house, but, then I have to return, because of my younger brother and sister.....I worry about them, and not just me."



Me: You know, there are places to call...I 'll give you some numbers......also look in the yellow pages, and ask at school, or the library...or even a hospital near you...



Twist: "what about that A.A.A. thing?"



Me: Yeah, that's the thing! DO that......trust me...and one other thing....you don't have to try to push your mother into going...she more than likely won't...but, if you want, you can take your siblings....teach them slowly....okay?



Twist: ""yeah, I will...I am still worried, and scared to leave her at home....."



Me: You are responsible for you...not your mom! You can act reponsible and take care of your brothers and sisters...your mom, may never change, because she loves your father....and there really isn't anything that you can do....she is "stuck" at this time.....maybe later, she will come around....this isn't you, or your siblings fault, nor your mothers fault either....you dad is sick.....he has a disease...and none of you caused this...so make sure you tell your siblings this, alright? I wish you all the best...let me know at times how all of you are coping...'kay?



Twist: "Yeah, sure...I'll let you know...uh, thanks!

talk to you sometime......"



Me: I may have butted into that...but, on the other hand, I didn't want her to kill herself.....she is a smart person.....I don't like seeing people hurt like that...I have seen that type of hurt..and it hurts my soul.....If I can help, then why shouldn't I? I hope that she and her family are gonna be okay!



End







Author's Notes: By lilwinky

Written Sunday June 11th, 2006



I know what this is like...living with (ANGRY, and nearly psycho' alcoholics) !...been there, done that...and it is sooo scary ...!!!!!!!!!!!!.



I also wrote this in dedication to a person or two that I have seen on some blogsites....and I felt strong feelings for them ...in hopes that they do NOT kill themselves, and or feel all alone....There were times in my life, I wanted a person to pat my back, and be there for me...so I would NOT feel so alone....



I understand......



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