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Compilation from Baneful Ennui
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Compilations The enigma enfolds my senses
leaving me drowsy and weak
i can't seem to find the answer
i've forgotten what it is i seek
swirling in the mists of unknown
seemingly just out of my grasp
these things i journey, long to find
seems to be a developing task
i stress my brains and try my heart
to uncover the hidden truths that lay
but it seems from the very start
i was followed by havoc and dismay
upon this bright world i must flee for
the brightness of the sun in may
hurts my fragile eyes and burns skin
so i flee to a sweet dark dank hole
i bury myself so not even a pin
of light can get this undead mole
so i lay and wait for the light to end
and darkness to consume me
blind eyes lay open to nothing
and mind lay closed in pain
torment is all i can ever see
and i'll never know a friend
it is in this protective shell
i harbor my woes and life
but it is in this private hell
i am left to suffer my strife
altho i live to die another day
and all seems lost, doom feared
it is in this existence of gray
that i hope one will find me here
Someone to love to hold in lifes
warm embrace until the day that
death shall part us for just a little
while and even in death never trully
be parted for love always finds a way
to be reunited if it should be true love
Here I am in my little dark corner
life all around but no one is living
what excuses have they to hide
i have lost my identity in a journey
searching for a life that has died
my life's over and i have not lived
empty now from always giving
from this corner, this isolation
i see only worlds of desolation
nothing for me, not this being
a nothingness fills my seeing
how to live a lonely existence
how to cure a deadly pestilence
it seems i am stuck with myself
left, in my corner, with no help....
I see the Knife sitting on the Counter
I remember when my wife took my children
And My dog died last month
The bill for my crushed car came in the mail today
Just Last Week My boss said I was fired
And That Knife just sitting there smiling at me...
the blade glistens despite its wear
vaguely i see my blood upon it
how conviently it had been sitting there
and now, in my hands, i wonder why
it had ever managed to catch my eye
no matter, the dead is all but done
the blood pours from once-lively flesh
and veins burst and heart pulls
fainting, falling, blood exploding
the room is filling, indead it's full
and all i can see is the red
and visions of better times in my head
soon all goes black and i all to the
floor i awoke with bright light shinning
in my eyes and others standing over me
saying my name they were all dressed in
white but i relized i wasnt dead but still alive
i couldnt even get that simple thing right
I scream at them to leave me be
why can't they just all go away
I want to be in my corner again
without these people around me
let me life in my glum solitude
so i can die some other day
i try to let them see my pain
translate the invisible to plain sight
it is in my hands i hold the remains
shadow i musn't, free them of the night
show my actions to be words
hoping soon that they will see
the place i dwell, a lonesome world
and sense the prick, the thorn that be
for in this world, a lonesome eternity
that i spend with myself
they offer drugs and free glee
but the form of their help
--is a strait jacket
so, refuse their help, i know i must
release myself of their eyes
i must make it for myself
to the world of unprying eyes
By James Daniel Darr,Little Leprechaun,Arnoediad,BloodLust516
I kind of stayed up all night reading all your poems which I should of done years ago, but I did'nt :(
After all of them, even after getting off the phone with you before I started reading, I feel really down in the dumps,,, EXTREMLY depressed,, I feel Like when I arm-up tomorrow and collect my 120round of 8.56 NATO ammuntion I should pull the fucking trigger, but I am not going too,, for many reasons. When I get down in the dumps Josh,, I just of think of you and I when we were little kids, and hope one day I could see you again, you are the best friend I ever had.
I remember when i was 15 and I had just gotten my learners, and I think you were 14 at the time, yeah, it was just passed your b-day, and you were at the mall calling me from the pay-phone. Man you wanted to come over so bad but David did not want to drive 30 some minutes down the road. So i asked my mother if we could come and get you and she said "not today but if he can catch a ride from someone, then yes". But you knew that their was not going to be any rides, and even your mother would never lift a foot to help you, so you walked, 4 hours it took you to get to my house, o man did you look tired then ever,, then the next day you and I OWNED the house ahha,, we had the biggest pillow fight ever! Well i really would'nt say it was a pillow fight,, it was more like rocks wraped up in your hat and I was the one with the pillow. I had so many bruises all over but it was one of the best times you and I ever had :)
Josh,, I know that your Father walked out on yall and your mother is and always will be the worst person out there,, but that is what makes you. I can understand if these poems are written to relieve stress, which I have no-doubt in my mind they are, but add a few good things :) for me. please.
Your friend for all times
Vic
OMFG JOSH,, LIFE IS NOT THAT BAD.. Look i know you have been through alot of ruff times,,, but you also know that I was there to HELP YOU TRHOUGH THEM,, so at least add 1 good thing to this poem. man o man. Look, how about this,, you can spend at least 2 months of your life in the military with me,,, and see how you like working 16hrs a day for 6 days straight living in a tent and while you sleep you are huging your M4-203 rifle like it was your fucking pillow praying that will wake up the next morning. geezzzz LOL man we are going to have to talk.