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Demons Inside
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Depression "Demons Inside" 9 - 22 - 01
rip and shed
tear and unbind
the seams of my soul
slowly unwind
falling to pieces
crumbling to ash
the supports of my life
are gone in a flash
alone and scared
this life now unfolds
the future of this soul
is hollow and cold....
Another good piece. Just a couple of suggestions ... 1. they do unwind. 'Didn't work for me. How about something like; slowly unwind? (goes along with the meter better). 2. Unfolds/Cold. Akward this. 'Technically' one is a plural, one singular and considered to be a forced rhyme. That said, it DOES work in context and I couldn't easily think of anything else to replace it with. Might be worth thinking about though. Good poem though, nonetheless - Paul