Author Information
An End
Folder:
Death "An End" 9 - 9 - 01
an end We sought
an end We strived
a relief We needed
the blood will run dry
a soul We lost
a soul We knew
a soul We held
the soul, it was doomed
a life so battered
a heart so broken
a mind so scarred
the lungs so tokened
this lifeless corpse
was once vibrant and new
now a faint reflection
of its once known virtue
the laughter it made
the joy it could express
now lay on the floor
in its own mess...
hmmmmm,, I dont know man,,, but its still good
Interesting piece with an 'unusual style'. Liked the 'basic concept' but felt that some of the rhymes were somewhat forced (strived/dry, knew/doomed, etc.,). Also, some of the lines appear to be 'wrong'. For example, did you mean to write; of its once know virtue OR of its once know virtue? A little 'nip and tuck' here and there and this could be an excellent piece! Best Wishes, Paul